Tuesday, May 8, 2007

NASA Has Paid Less For Rockets

Good Idea: Signing Roger Clemens. Bad Idea: Signing Roger Clemens for $28 million.

Explanation: The Yankees signed the 44 year-old pitcher for an insane amount of money. Our crack research staff got in touch with the Rocket's agent and here's what we discovered...

Top Ten Best Clauses in Roger Clemens' New Contract:

10. Instead of a rosin bag, will use a crumpled up wad of $100 bills.
9. Will only pitch home games and road starts in Texas.
8. Special health incentive included for not pulling a hamstring or breaking a hip during starts.
7. In lieu of monthly $4.5 million payments, can request a $9,000 check to be hand-delivered by Jorge Posada after every pitch.
6. Will receive a special AARP discount on Yankee Stadium concessions.
5. Actual salary amount ends with "22" symbolizing the year he was born.
3. Mike Piazza hired as Yankee batboy/target for on-field debris.
2. "Rockets' red glare" during Yankee Stadium national anthems will now be replaced by "Rocket's 7 Cy Youngs"
1. Poor people like Alex Rodriguez are not allowed to ask him for money

Special Blog Bonus: Just for kicks, here's a "Good Idea, Bad Idea" clip from Animaniacs:

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