Wednesday, February 9, 2011

Low Maintenance

Seven thousand birthday gifts. Her favorites? A night light and a lollipop.

Explanation: My little girl just turned two. She had a very happy birthday (which somehow has stretched across three parties) and based on the pictures, her gift volume exceeded her personal volume. Anyway, the big winners were a lollipop and a night light that changes colors. Mental note: Keep the budget lower next year.

Thursday, January 27, 2011

Snow Snow Go Away

Help! I'm snowed in and I just ran out of Cheetos!

Explanation: Rough day in my house. Yesterday morning we were hit with a surprise snowstorm. The township was woefully unprepared (as were we) and we ended up stuck in a house where the food supply was dwindling. Then, overnight, we got about a foot more of snow. Our road wasn't plowed all day. I spent every minute of my free time shoveling. We were stuck in the house. And worst of all, WE RAN OUT OF CHEETOS!!! Oh, the horror.*

Random note: I realized yesterday, that if you put Frank's Red Hot Sauce on Cheetos, they won't change color. Not that I did that. I just realized it. Nifty.

*I should note that days like these are where I really regret trading the Bronco in for a Honda.

Wednesday, January 26, 2011

Just Wear It

"There's a candy cane on my hat!"

Source: This would be a random quote from my daughter. Get used to these - I don't leave the house much, you know.

Explanation: While being buckled in her car seat on a particularly cold day, my daughter naturally wanted to lean around and see what was available to play with in the back seat. This makes it particularly difficult to buckle her in, which is a wee bit frustrating if you're standing in 15 degree weather while you attempt to do so... but I digress. Anyway, she found her pink winter hat and noticed for the first time that there was something on the front. Probing her memory, she realized that the only thing it could possibly be was a candy cane, hence the quote.

And now we know how Phil Night gets his evil clutches on the youth of America...

Thursday, January 20, 2011

Those 15 Minutes Can Start Any Time Now

If Taylor Swift's publicist doesn't start doing his job soon, I think she should dump him and find someone who can do a better job of getting her name out there.

Explanation: As I was eating my morning bowl of Swifties and listening to an advertisement on Taylor Swift radio for Taylor Swift's new Cover Girl whatever, I began to think that maybe Taylor Swift isn't utilizing her full marketing potential. There are at least 35 to 40 minutes a day when I am not reminded that she is a soulful and innocent young songwriter who is adored by fans young and old and mistreated by celebrity boyfriends, and oh, by the way, did you hear that she's dating so-and-so? SOMEBODY needs to fill those 35 to 40 minutes. We need "Taylor Swift the Toilet Paper!" and "Taylor Swift the Flamethrower!" Taylor Swift needs to find a publicist who will make the most out of her fifteen minutes of fame and she has to do it now, because that clock is ticking. I'm hoping it's already up.

Editor's Addendum: We at Jeremy's Sametime Status would like to announce that this morning at approximately 9:08 am, we were purchased by Swiftcorp, a subsidiary of Taylor Industries. All hail our benevolent overlord!

Thursday, January 13, 2011

The Most Remarkable Word I've Ever Seen

Ab kuh deff ghee jeckyl minopp querr stewwww wick sizz

Source: Sesame Street

Explanation: My daughter loves YouTube. As we've surfed through appropriate programming for a child her age, I stumbled upon this clip from Sesame Street:

She liked it, but it wasn't anything special until one day I decided to learn how to say ABCDEFGHIJKLMNOPQRSTUVWXYZ. After ten minutes of practicing, I nailed it. And she listened to me the whole time and decided it was cool. Now she says "ABA GUBBA GA JUBBA JA ICKSIZ" or something like that, and it amuses the heck out of me. So, I figured I'd share it with you.

Wednesday, January 12, 2011

Snow * 2

I didn't think she had a job. How does she have TWO snow days today?

Explanation: A couple of years ago, my wife left her job as a teacher to stay home and take care of our daughter. After a few months, she took a teaching job at the local college, which she stopped this year because we're expecting a baby in May. So, starting this year, she was unemployed. She took on a week-long consulting job at the school she used to work at for this week and low and behold - snow day. Meanwhile, the college still has her on the call list, so we received numerous notifications Tuesday night about college closings. Hence, she had not one, but TWO snow days today. Not fair!

Moral of the Story: Working from home sucks when it snows.

Monday, January 10, 2011

Awe... Wait for it... Some!

When I get sad, I stop being sad and be awesome instead.

Source: Barney Stinson, from How I Met Your Mother.

Explanation: So, a certain television channel has picked up How I Met Your Mother in syndication. They just started running the series from season one, and since I started watching in season three or four, I am frantically watching episodes to catch up. Unfortunately, they show two episodes a night, back to back, so this is turning into quite an obligation. On the bright side, I am exposed to wonderful quotes like this one from Mr. Stinson. Telepathic high five!



Wednesday, January 5, 2011

New Year's Resolution

Made "diet tacos" last night... so I ate six of them.
Explanation: Last night was taco night in my household.  I was in the mood for crunchy tacos, so I bought six shells.  When we opened the package, the first few shells (as usual) turned out to be a bit thin.  So, I deemed them "diet tacos."  Then I ate all six.
I should note that my eating any diet product is a joke.  I have zero intention of losing weight.  In fact, over most of the recent years, my struggle has been to put on weight, not to take it off.  Hence, my New Year's Resolution is to put weight on, and I am sticking to it like a champ!
Tonight's dinner?  ICE CREAM!!!
EDITOR'S NOTE: We at Jeremy's Status Message do not advocate the consumpion of ice cream for dinner.  This was only said in jest.  In reality, tonight's dinner will be a healthy medly of meat lovers' pizza, Buffalo wings, Cheetos, and Mountain Dew.  Ice cream will hold its traditional role as dessert.

Tuesday, January 4, 2011

Oh the Humanity... In HD, No Less

Congratulations grapefruit.  You are now my favorite citrus fruit.

Explanation: My beloved Hokies got pummeled in the second half of the Orange Bowl last night.  I will now never speak of this game again.

Upside: I got to watch the destruction in HD, courtesy of my new 21st century television.  If you were wondering what that glow was outside your window last night, that was it.  A new TV for VT.  It seemed so perfect.  Oh well.  At least my TV was a winner.