"Live Free or Don't."
Source: From Futurama this is the government motto of the Neutral Planet.
Explanation: Those filthy Neutrals. With enemies, you know where they stand, but with Neutrals? Who knows? Their grayish planet stands to be obliterated at the hands of those who hold strong (but perhaps misguided) opinions. Beige alert! Beige alert!
Special Blog Bonus: Here's the leader of the Neutral Planet with a special video editorial response to today's status:
Dancing Space Potatoes? You Bet!
Source: This is one of the tag lines under the first screen in the Futurama intro. Did you miss the episode with dancing space potatoes? Too bad for you. Other lines include:
Don't do anything that effects anything, unless it turns out you were supposed to do it. Then, for the love of God, don't not do it!
Source: Professor Farnsworth from the Futurama episode Roswell That Ends Well.
Explanation: The professor is warning his crew that they have gone back in time and they should not under any circumstances (unless they should) interfere with the past. Fry naturally goes on to kill his grandfather and then becomes his own grandpa.
Here's a clip including the ever popular "Truman Hitting on Zoidberg" scene:
Special Blog Bonus: It has nothing to do with Futurama, but here's the movie poster for I Am LEGO:
From the archives:
"And those coworkers. Always looking down on us Zoidbergs. What are they? From Nob Hill? They're all like 'Stop spraying me with ink, Zoidberg!', 'Put on pants, Zoidberg!', 'Don't touch our fancy box, Zoidberg!'"
Source: The Farnsworth Parabox - the same Futurama episode as my 2/24/07 status message.
Explanation: Another quote by Dr. Zoidberg regarding The Farnsworth Parabox (which was a box containing an alternate universe). This time, Zoidberg is complaining to Zoidberg from an alternate dimension about how his friends treat him.
Special Blog Bonus: Audio of this quote.
Give a hooto, don't pollute Pluto.
Source: This is from the Birdbot of Ice-Catraz episode of Futurama.
Explanation: A space oil tanker draws protesters on Pluto, and this is one of the signs they use. Then the tanker hits an iceberg, all 6000 of its hulls are compromised and it spills oil all over the place. Then I changed the channel to watch Sportscenter, so I don't remember exactly how the rest goes, other than Bender somehow thinking he's a giant penguin, and I remember this image being really really funny.
If you want to know more, you can read it here.
Remember, kids. Planetary pollution is no laughing matter. You need to think intergalactically, but act interplanetarily. Also, remember to spay and neuter your penguins... and not to arm them.
Prison ain't so bad. You can make sangria in the toilet. Of course, it's shank or be shanked...
Source: Scruffy from Futurama. Well, technically Scruffy said "turlet", but I figured it would be more understandable this way. This is from the 300 Big Boys episode, where Scruffy spent his $300 from the government on "one of them $300 haircuts". Scruffy doesn't appear much, but when he does, it's quality.
Special Blog Bonus: Today it's time to explore the LEGO "Cafe Corner" set.
While it is quite the cool set in itself, builders seem fascinated in tinkering with or modifying its design. Here are a few examples:
Of course [I went to college]. I'm a bender. I went to bending college. I majored in bending.
Source: This is from the Mars University episode of Futurama. The bad news is that Futurama is no longer on the Cartoon Network. The good news is that it's now on Comedy Central! Here's the full dialogue leading to today's status:
Leela: You went to college?
Bender: Of course. I'm a bender. I went to Bending College; I majored in Bending.
Fry: What was your minor?
Bender: Robo-American Studies.
Also important to note is that Mars University has it's own Wikipedia page. Find that in your Encyclopedia Brittanica. What? You don't have one? Oh. Me neither.
From the archives:
I'm not saying Professor Farnsworth is old, but if you consider his age, he's likely to die soon.
Source: Bender from Futurama. This reminds me of a time a child who knew my grandmother called her "elderly." The child's mother immediately scolded the child for saying something so rude. The child said, "What? It's not like I called her old!"
Exciting News: Speaking of Futurama, it will return for another season! Well, sort of. It will return in the form of a DVD set that will be broken down into 16 30-minute episodes and aired next season. Woo-hoo!
From the archives:
"Today, I've personalized each of your meals. For example, Amy, you're cute, so I baked you a pony."
Source: Bender from the Futurama episode, 30% Iron Chef.
Explanation: You can find a brief (and very confusing) episode guide here and sounds from the episode here.
Side Note: On Thursday morning, I was so hungry I could eat a horse. Now I'm so full, I feel like I've eaten a horse. No horses were actually harmed during this process, of course, of course.
From the archives:
Vote for the Apathy party in November. Or don't. I don't really care one way or the other.
Source: This is pretty much ripped off from an episode of Futurama, where Fry encounters a representative from the Apathy party:
Fry: "Now here's a party I can get excited about. Sign me up!"
Apathy Party Rep: "Sorry, not with that attitude."
Fry: "Ok, then screw it."
Apathy Party Rep: "Welcome aboard, brother!"
Fry: "Alright!"
Apathy Party Rep: "You're out."
Other sound bytes from this episode (as well as this one) can be found here. I particularly like the Richard Nixon quotes.
Remember to vote early and vote often on Tuesday!
Vote Al Gore for First Emperor of the Moon.
Source: Futurama.
Explanation: Also of note is the fact that Al Gore invented the environment. Save it for it's creator!
Special Blog Bonus: A public service announcement from the man himself:
From the archives:
"Friends! Friends! Surely you're not going to eat before we say robot grace! In the name of all that is good and logical, we give thanks for the chemical energy we are about to absorb. To quote the prophet Jer-o-matic, 'one zero zero zero one zero one zero one zero one zero one... zero zero one zero one one zero zero one... two. Amen.'"
Source: Bender from Futurama.
Explanation: The following is an online episode explanation (from here). I can't possibly describe the episode better than this:
After a Beastie Boys Heads concert at Madison Cube Garden, Bender goes on a bender and gets hooked on power surges. His life begins a downward spiral until he finds salvation at the Temple of Robotology. Having found religion, his polite behavior becomes so irritating to his friends that they begin to tempt him with his old vices. When he finally succumbs and returns to his old ways, he is banished to Robot Hell where, in a musical extravaganza, he faces the Robot Devil and endures tortures unimaginable to man.
Special Blog Bonus: The audio clip for this is here. It's clip #12.
From the archives:
Which of the following would you most prefer? A) A puppy. B) A pretty flower from your sweetie, or C a large properly-formatted datafile?
Source: Futurama.
Explanation: Robots administer this test to determine if the taker is a robot or not.
Special Blog Bonus: Behold, a not-so-large properly formatted data file:
[EDITOR'S NOTE: The not-so-large properly formatted data file looked hideous and would have been very confusing. Instead, enjoy it in its interpretted form, as a small JPEG image of a half-chicken half-squirrel.]
I'm busting mad rhymes at an 80% success rate.
Source: Paraphrased from Futurama, where Leela is talking about the Beastie Boys' heads in concert.
Also in the episode is the following exchange between Fry and Ad-Rock:
Fry: Wow! I love you guys! Back in the 20th century, I had all five of your albums.
Ad-Rock: That was a thousand years ago. Now we got seven.
Fry: Cool! Can I borrow the new ones? And a couple of blank tapes?
From the archives:
That Guy: "Let's cut to the chase. There are two kinds of people: sheep and sharks. Anyone who's a sheep is fired. Who's a sheep?"
Zoidberg: "Uh excuse me? Which is the one people like to hug?"
That Guy: "Gutsy question, you're a shark. Sharks are winners and they don't look back 'cause they don't have necks. Necks are for sheep. I am proud to be the shepherd of this herd of sharks and I am gonna lead you to the top of this industry"
Source: "That Guy" and Dr. Zoidberg from Futurama on both sides of an 80's business pep talk.
Special Blog Bonus: It's a tribute to Zoidberg! This particular interchange is at 3:13. You may notice other past and future status messages in here as well.
Did you ever think that somewhere out there there was an evil version of you? You know, someone just like you, but evil. Take me for example. Imagine what this world would be like if there was some other "Evil Jeremy" out there who was also in the computer industry, was a pop culture junkie, worked out, played volleyball, and had a Sametime status message that he updated every day. Oh, and just for kicks, he'd have to have a goatee, too. Wouldn't that be crazy? And what if it turned out that he was the good one and I was the evil one? Man, I just blew my mind.
Special Blog Bonus: Evil Jeremy, if you're out there, you're probably running some sort of Status Message Theme Week with anagrams or something. That's just the kind of thing an evil version of me would do. So here's some food for thought:
FELT PETS
Here's a Seinfeld clip from Bizarro world:
You can find audio of Bender from Futurama contemplating the existence of a Parallel Bender here. Listen to clip 3.
From the archives:
"I'm never gonna get used to the thirty-first century. Caffeinated bacon? Baconated grapefruit? Admiral Crunch?"
Source: Fry from Futurama.
Explanation: Mmmm... baconated grapefruit. In the thirty-first century, they have made great advances in food science. What else is there to say?
Special Blog Bonus: Also from the thirty-first century, Archduke Chocula and Bachelor Chow:
From the archives:
"There were plenty of times in my century when I was going to give up, but I never did. Never! Hey! Are you listening to me? Oh, I give up."
Source: Fry from Futurama giving a pep talk.
Special Blog Bonus: In honor of giving up, here's a page about French military history.*
*Please note that the French were correct, though, about the lack of weapons of mass destruction in Iraq.
I don't mean to brag, but I'm the greatest!
Source: Sidney Deane, from White Men Can't Jump
Explanation: I WON THE TOURNAMENT POOL!!! To the 133 tournament pool entries beneath me, I say to you these words of Homer Simpson:
I am the champion!
I am the champion!
No time for losers, 'cause I am the champion
Of the world!
If you prefer, how about some Fresh Prince:
I'm the ultimate, and that's all I can say.
I sat down for about eight hours a day
Trying to figure out the proper description of me,
and I came to the decision that
there's no one syllable or phrase
that can adequately describe this new craze,
But I'll sum it up in one sentence, let's see...
OK, I've got it, "All praise me!"
Maybe Kenny Mayne said it best:
"I am the king of the diamond! Let there be a grand clubhouse feast! Bring me the finest meats and cheeses throughout the land!"
Wow, I can totally do this all day. Maybe I will...
For now, though, please enjoy ten things I can buy with my $300:
10) Nothing beats 600 hot apple pies at McDonald's.
9) I can get myself one of them $300 haircuts. This one's lost its pizazz.
8) Three shares of company stock, which should be worth at least $250 in ten years.
7) A wedding gift for my favorite Bosnian
6) Donuts for all of 707
5) 4.62 times more stuff than Tom S. can buy with his measly $65
4) I can envision it now: www.statusmessage.com
3) Bacon. Lots and lots of bacon.
2) Forget the money, I can talk smack for a year, LOSERS!
1) 60 more NCAA tournament pool entries!
From the archives:
"We're whalers on the moon, we carry a harpoon, but there ain't no whales so we tell tall tales and sing our whaling tune!"
Source: Futurama
Explanation: The following clip is self-explanatory. Just keep in mind that Futurama takes place a thousand years in the future, while Fry is from the 20th century. Oh, and a thousand years in the future, the moon is an amusement park. And if you still don't get it? Consider going back to school and getting yourself a fun-gineering degree.
