A Rhetorical Haiku, Of Course

Friday has arrived.
No rhetorical questions.
How will we go on?

Explanation: It's Haiku Friday! With Evil Jeremy out of town, what on earth will we do without Rhetorical Friday? How can we possibly start our weekend without this mainstay of our Friday routine? How could he do this to us?

Should I even dignify this drivel with a response?

Is the Pope Catholic?

Can we talk about toasters now?

No. I will, however, encourage you to check out this xkcd from the other day. It has nothing to do with toasters, but it was really funny.


Now, turn off your computer and get busy enjoying the unofficial start of summer. Have a wonderful long weekend, everybody! See you on Tuesday.

My Subconscious Is Getting Smarter

According to my subconscious, there is now a bill that's actually worth 1/8 of $10. Consider yourself warned.

Explanation: So, last night I had a very involved dream. When I woke up immediately afterward, the whole thing was vividly in my head. One part I distinctly remember was receiving change for something, where I was due $18.25 and I received the change entirely in bills. There were $17 in normal denominations and then there was a bill with an "8" on it which represented 1/8 of $10. I have no idea why, but it did. I remember waking up and thinking, "Wow! I never get the math right in my dreams!" Apparently, my subconscious is getting smarter.

Anyway, this morning all I can remember is that I got the math right. This xkcd sums it up:

Another Journey Into Jeremy's Subconscious

When dreaming about rebounding, it is important to not box out one's wife.

Explanation: Every once in a while, I have a sports-related dream. This morning, I dreamed that I was playing in a basketball game, which is interesting, because I've played actual real games of basketball maybe 10 times in the past 10 years. Anyway, my team was heavily favored in the game and as a result, the referees were letting the other team get away with some obvious fouls. At one point, I grabbed a rebound and went back up for the easy shot, only to have a player on the other team wrap his arms around me so I couldn't get my shot off. The referee chose not to call anything, so I opted instead to violently remove the player from my body. Unfortunately, my attempt at a judo-throw somehow crossed mental wires from my subconscious to actual real live motor-control. Next thing I know, I'm wide awake, bolt upright, and about to launch a pillow across the bedroom. Let's just say that my wife was more than a little startled by this.

Special Blog Bonus: xkcd has had a thing or two to say about dreams as well:

It's Witchcraft!

How do you fold an egg? It's impossible. It's witchcraft!

Source: This is from the King of Queens, which has found its way onto my TiVo recording list.

Explanation: Carrie has absolutely no baking skills and is roped into making a cake for a church bake sale. Eventually they just put icing on a couch cushion and hilarity ensues.

Special Blog Bonus: Here's an xkcd to start your week off right:

Sharing Birthdays Today...

Sharing birthdays today are pole vaulter Sergei Bubka, rapper Jay-Z, actress Marisa Tomei, model Tyra Banks, and millions of other people who nobody particularly cares about.

Explanation: Also with a birthday today is comedienne Margaret Cho, who falls into the last category. This, of course, takes me back to the Simpsons episode where Homer is asked for ID to verify that he is a veteran, which he is lying about to get an admission discount:

"Charlie didn't ask for ID when I fought at La Choy, and Chun King. I saw my best friend's head explode at Margaret Cho."

Special Blog Bonus: I haven't run a comic in a while, so here's an xkcd you may not have seen yet:

And After The First Thanksgiving...

From the archives:

"Cochise was the last great American Indian chief to die free and absolutely unconquered. When several members of his family were captured, tortured, and hanged by the U.S. Cavalry, Cochise declared war on the entire Southwest and went on an unholy rampage, a warpath to end all warpaths. He and his warriors drove out thousands of settlers. Cochise the Avenger, fearless and resolute, attacked everything in his path with an unbridled fury. This song kinda sounds like that."

Source: Tom Morello, guitarist for Audioslave, explaining why the song Cochise was given that name.

Special Blog Bonus: I got a kick out of today's xkcd comic:

My Softest Post Ever!

It was certainly a great deal, but I have to question Target's motivation to sell bulk packages of toilet paper two days before Halloween.

Explanation: I did my part and reduced their inventory by 48 rolls, but they still had more, and I just know that the kids from my neighborhood are over there right now stocking up. I did not look to see if eggs or shaving cream were on sale.

Special Blog Bonus: Here's a comic of the day:


I woke up to "Hey Mickey" this morning, so I figured I'd share my pain with you.

Sorbet Saturday, Part 3

From the archives:

In many ways, the weather today is not unlike Sam's sorbet was: It's really cold, it's coated with ice, and it'll take Sam five times as long as it should to get through it.

Explanation: Yes, it's time for yet another dig at Sam's sorbet difficulties. This one came during the dead of winter, which it isn't right now, but I'm guessing it's more brisk today than it will be next Saturday, when I run the exciting conclusion of the Sorbet Saturday series!

Special Blog Bonus: Just for the heck of it, here's a comic, too:

I'm so Punny!

A good pun is its own reword.

Source: Stolen from a web site. I'll steal more in the future, so you won't see any more of them on this post.

Explanation: I was going to mention that I saw Carousel the other day and that the only funny line in the entire musical was the following:

"Oh, Miss Pipperidge, I'm just crazy fer you! Why, just to see your lovely smile I'd swim through beer with my mouth closed!"

Unfortunately, it's a pretty lousy status message. Of course, it was a pretty lousy musical, too, so I guess that's par for the course. In fact, that line was the only bright spot. Oh, well, there was the totally random song about whaling. It was like Rodgers and Hammerstein were stuck for one last musical number and had that song left over from some other musical they were working on. Pretty odd stuff.

Special Blog Bonus: Anyway, enjoy a comic and have a great day!

I Do Feel Kind Of Marooney

In solidarity with my fellow Hokies, I'm wearing a maroon Virginia Tech sweatshirt today. I tell you this in case I don't leave the house today. Someone should know.

Special Blog Bonus: Comic of the day! Why? Why not!