Monday, December 31, 2007

The Twelve Days of Christmas: Day 7

Jeremy's Status Message Proudly Presents The Twelve Days of Christmas:

On the seventh day of Christmas,
My new iPod gave to me,
Seven Mary Three
Sixpence None The Richer
Five for Fighting,
The Four Tops,
Three Doors Down
Two Skinnee J's,
And nothing by the Partridge Family, so don't even joke about it.

Explanation: Also on my new iPod are:

Seven One Eight, by the 2 Skinnee J's
Six Underground, by the Sneaker Pimps
Five Piece Chicken Dinner, by the Beastie Boys
Four Sticks, by Led Zeppelin
Three MCs and one DJ, by the Beastie Boys
Two Step, by the Dave Matthews Band
And The Humpty Dance, by Digital Underground.

Yeah, that's right - The Humpty Dance. It has nothing to do with partridges or pear trees. It's just a cool song.

Special Blog Bonus: Feeling numerical? Don't forget 5150 by Van Halen, #41 by the Dave Matthews Band, 50 Ways to Leave Your Lover by Paul Simon, 8 Mile by Eminem, 316 by Van Halen, 99 Problems by Jay-Z, 1979 by the Smashing Pumpkins, 1984 by Van Halen, Nineteen Naughty Three by Naughty By Nature, 100 Years by Five for Fighting, One Thing by Finger Eleven, 3 A.M. Eternal by the KLF, Ten by Pearl Jam, and 6th Avenue Heartache by the Wallflowers. Speaking of numerical...

Solutions to Yesterday's Evil Number Theory Questions:

6 is the smallest perfect number, because it is equal to the sum of its proper positive divisors: 1, 2, and 3. Can you find the next even perfect number? Can you find an odd perfect number?

The next even perfect number is 28, which is the sum of 1, 2, 4, 7, and 14. The perfect numbers after that are 496 and 8128. All known perfect numbers fit the formula 2^(n-1) * (2^n - 1) where 2^(n-1) is a Mersenne prime. It is unknown whether there are any odd perfect numbers. If you managed to find one, you should tell me what it is and never speak of it again.


5 is a prime number whose binary representation, "101" is palindromic, meaning its digits read the same backward as forward. What is the largest known prime number that is palindromic in binary?

The largest known prime number which is palindromic in binary is 2^32582657, which is a 9.8 million digit number and happens to be the largest prime number known to date. It is a Mersenne prime, meaning it is one less than a power of two, hence the binary representation of the number is a string of ones, and is therefore the same both backward and forward. All of the largest known primes are Mersenne primes.


4 is an even integer that can be written as the sum of two primes, namely 2 and 2. Can you find an even integer that cannot?

This little gem is called Goldbach's conjecture. It is a conjecture because it is unproven. If you have found an integer that cannot, again, please contact me immediately with that number and then treat yourself to a nice long vacation in a place without telephones while I hold onto it all safe and sound for you. Don't worry. I won't tell anyone.


3 is a triangular number, because it belongs to the sequence (1, 3, 6, 10, 15, 21, ...). The number 3 can be represented as a sum of three triangular numbers: 3 = 1 + 1 + 1. Can you find an integer that cannot?

No you cannot. This is a subset of the Fermat polygonal number theorem, which states that every positive integer is the sum of at most n n-polygonal numbers. So, in this case, n=3.


2 is a value for n such that there exist nonzero integers x, y, and z where x^n + y^n = z^n. For example, 3^2 + 4^2 = 5^2. Can you find a value of n greater than 2 for which this is also true?
This would be Fermat's Last Theorem. Pierre de Fermat famously wrote the following words in the margin of a book: "It is impossible to separate a cube into two cubes, or a fourth power into two fourth powers, or in general, any power higher than the second into two like powers. I have discovered a truly marvelous proof of this, which this margin is too narrow to contain." For over 350 years, mathematicians cursed this man and his "marvelous proof", until Andrew Wiles of Princeton published a proof in 1995. Anyway, in short, the answer to this question is "No, you cannot".


1 is the difference between 2 and 3. There also exist powers of 2 and 3 such that their difference is also 1, namely 2^3=8 and 3^2=9. Can you find another pair of consecutive integers who have powers that are also consecutive?

This problem was known as Catalan's conjecture for over 150 years until it was solved by Preda Mihăilescu in 2002, and it is now referred to by the much more pronounceable "Mihăilescu's theorem." The example I cited shows the only pair of consecutive integers (2 and 3) for which this is possible. So, if you found another pair of consecutive integers, I suggest you check your math.

Sunday, December 30, 2007

The Twelve Days of Christmas: Day 6

Jeremy's Status Message Proudly Presents The Twelve Days of Christmas:

On the sixth day of Christmas, an evil number theorist said to me,

6 is the smallest perfect number, because it is equal to the sum of its proper positive divisors: 1, 2, and 3. Can you find the next even perfect number? Can you find an odd perfect number?

5 is a prime number whose binary representation, "101" is palindromic, meaning its digits read the same backward as forward. What is the largest known prime number that is palindromic in binary?

4 is an even integer that can be written as the sum of two primes, namely 2 and 2. Can you find a greater even integer that cannot?

3 is a triangular number, because it belongs to the sequence (1, 3, 6, 10, 15, 21, ...). The number 3 can be represented as a sum of three triangular numbers: 3 = 1 + 1 + 1. Can you find a greater integer that cannot?

2 is a value for n such that there exist nonzero integers x, y, and z where x^n + y^n = z^n. For example, 3^2 + 4^2 = 5^2. Can you find a value of n greater than 2 for which this is also true?

1 is the difference between 2 and 3. There also exist powers of 2 and 3 such that their difference is also 1, namely 2^3=8 and 3^2=9. Can you find another pair of consecutive integers who have powers that are also consecutive?

Explanation: I love number theory because it is primarily concerned with integers, which seem quite simple, and yet can be extremely complex. These are just a few examples. I will post the solutions tomorrow.

Saturday, December 29, 2007

The Twelve Days of Christmas: Day 5

Jeremy's Status Message Proudly Presents The Twelve Days of Christmas:

On the Fifth Day of Christmas,
Edgar Allan Poe gave to me...

On a dark and somber evening, as I sit in darkness grieving,
Over a quintet of loves, my soul is worn, my heart still clings,
As I mourn my tears are flowing, I can feel the cold wind blowing,
I hold this package surely knowing, knowing the heartbreak it brings,
All that's left from five lost loves, I take a breath, untie the strings -
There they lay, five golden rings.

On the floor, I'm crumpled, heaving, through my pain and stunted breathing,
Suddenly I am perceiving something near me on the floor.
'Tis a bird, it's wounded, crawling, both of us on the ground sprawling,
In the eaves four friends are calling for that bird upon that floor.
Four birds calling from the eaves, I hear them as their sorrows pour,
But their friend will fly no more.

Now we five - we mourn together, you might say "birds of a feather",
Quite a sight to see this night, yours truly with these mourning four.
Yet another noise distracts me, pecking on my door attracts me,
So I haul my sorry self and go see who is at my door.
I thrust it open and I ask "Who's pecking on this mourner's door?"
Three hens gravely say, "Bonjour."

You could say I am quite stricken, never have I heard a chicken,
Say "Hello" in English, let alone in the French tongue before.
I will try to cut some slack, for also they are dressed in black,
They're clearly here to join the pack of mourners based on what they wore.
As if that is not enough, two turtle doves walk through my door.
I guess there's always room for more.

I think I'm taking things in stride, for no more birds shall be denied,
In fact I have just called outside, "Excuse me birds, but are there more?"
A partridge from my tree of pears has joined us and he also wears,
A yarmulke and shawl of prayers, he is the last, I close the door.
Now eleven mourners sit and long for those with us no more.
It's less lonely than before.

Special Blog Bonus: I was trying very hard to use the lines:

"I hate to pry, but must implore, Have you ever won a war?"
Three French hens said nothing more.


I just couldn't make it work. Oh well. If you don't know this, I really enjoy Raven-izing stuff. This isn't the first time I've broken something down into iambic pentameter and won't be the last.

Oh, one other complaint. Because I had to rhyme with "rings" I got stuck using "brings" and "clings", so the whole poem had to be in the present tense. That got a little awkward, but I think I pulled it off.

Friday, December 28, 2007

The Twelve Days of Christmas: Day 4

Jeremy's Status Message Proudly Presents The Twelve Days of Christmas:

On the fourth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me, ten birds. TEN FREAKIN' BIRDS. Are you kidding me? Do you know what I bought her? A piano. $700 worth of finely tuned musical instrument, and all I get are 10 birds. Four of them won't get off the damn phone, three of them just keep surrendering to everyone they come in contact with, two are the slowest damn things I've ever seen, and the last one won't get out of that tree, which incidentally keeps dropping pears all over the yard. Not that you'd be able to find them under the thick layer of bird crap. Seriously? Birds? Come on! If you're gonna go the bird route, at least get me something I can eat. I could totally go for some chicken right about now - even one of those Frankenchickens that McDonald's uses to make the McNuggets! A turkey would be wonderful. Even a duck would be pretty cool. I couldn't eat a hawk or an eagle, but at least I could show it off to my friends. But noooo. I get the calling birds, the French hens, the turtle doves and the partridge in that stinkin' tree. You don't even want to know what they've done in our Christmas tree. What a crock... EEEW! The hens just open-beak kissed me!!! I'd better get some bling soon, or that piano is going back.

Explanation: I did get my wife a piano for Christmas. She did not actually get me any birds. I'm OK with that.

Thursday, December 27, 2007

The Twelve Days of Christmas: Day 3

Jeremy's Status Message Proudly Presents The Twelve Days of Christmas:

On the third day of bacon,
My bacon gave to me,
Bacon bacon bacon!
Bacon bacon bacon!
And bacon bacon bacon bacon!

Explanation: What can I say? I love bacon.

Special Blog Bonus: And now, compliments of the good people at IHEARTBACON.COM and Bacon Unwrapped, here are some ideas for the bacon lover in your life:

And finally, I don't care if I've run this Beggin Strips commercial before - It's that good. BACON!!!

Wednesday, December 26, 2007

The Twelve Days of Christmas: Day 2

Jeremy's Status Message Proudly Presents The Twelve Days of Christmas:

On the second day of Christmas,
My true love gave to me,
Two turtle doves,
And a partridge in a pear tree.
And it only cost her $204.99 (or $354.94 if she ordered them online).

Explanation: These estimates come courtesy of PNC Christmas Price Index. Since 1984, PNC has calculated the costs of the items in the Twelve Days of Christmas for you, the concerned consumer. Here are this year's prices:


That's right! Now you can wear this T-shirt with pride!

Tuesday, December 25, 2007

The Twelve Days of Christmas: Day 1

Jeremy's Status Message Proudly Presents The Twelve Days of Christmas:

On the first day of Christmas,
My neighbors gave to me,
A giant sleigh with a Snoopy.

Explanation: MERRY CHRISTMAS!

Snoopy and the gang did bring us the following Christmas moment from Luke 2:8-14.



As we read further in the book of Luke, today's status message becomes clear:

When the angels had left them and gone into heaven, the shepherds said to one another, "Let's go to Bethlehem and see this thing that has happened, which the Lord has told us about. And we shall plant a lawn, and upon that lawn, we shall place a giant wooden sleigh, taller than the tallest man and crafted in the finest wood available to people of our station. And upon that sleigh, that glorious sleigh draped with lights aplenty, we shall place a giant glowing Snoopy in a Santa hat. The Snoopy shall glow brighter than the moon and the stars and even the mighty inflatable candy cane merry-go-round across the street." And so they hurried off and found Mary and Joseph, and the baby, who was lying in the manger. When they had seen him, they built their giant sleigh and placed their glowing Snoopy upon it and he was brighter than the sun itself. All who saw were amazed at what the shepherds had built.

So, should you wander into my neighborhood this holiday season and see a giant Snoopy in front of one of the houses, now you know the biblical significance of this glorious creation.

Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good day.

Monday, December 24, 2007

"Holiday Figure" Is Coming To Town...

From the archives:

Twas the night before a non-denominational-winter-holiday when all through the house not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse. The neutral-gift-sacks were hung by the chimney with care in hopes that a non-specific holiday figure soon would be there. Children of every race, creed and nationality were nestled all snug in their beds, While visions of sugar-free plums danced in their heads. When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter, I sprang from my bed to see what was the matter (and to see who was violating the neighborhood sound-level ordinance). When what to my wondering eyes should appear, but an emission-free vehicle and eight size-challenged reindeer. "Holiday Figure" was so lively and quick, I knew in a moment it must be "Holiday Figure". He had a broad but normal face and an advanced-sized belly and he laughed, "Lady of the evening, Lady of the evening, Lady of the evening."

Source: A politically correct Christmas story, as told by Larry the Cable Guy on the Blue Collar Comedy tour.

Sunday, December 23, 2007

Yukon Brasi Sleeps With the Penguins

From the archives:

Deck the halls with that stuff you use to deck halls.

Explanation: You know. That stuff. Get to decking!

Special Blog Bonus: And while you're decking, enjoy some holiday time with the Reinfather:

Saturday, December 22, 2007

You Did Win Ms. Congeniality, Though

From the archives:

You have won second prize in a beauty contest. Collect $11.

Source: This is a Community Chest card from Monopoly:


With the exception of the "Go To Jail" and "Get Out Of Jail Free" cards, I would guess that this is the most popular.

Oh, and in case you were wondering, I took first. I'm so pretty, it's just not fair.

Friday, December 21, 2007

"La," The Note That Follows "So"

Deck the halls with boughs of holly, fa la la la la la ti... DOH!

Explanation: Our new (to us anyway) piano arrived yesterday and since it got here, my wife has been playing almost nonstop. Her repertoire includes numerous Christmas melodies. When I play, however, it seems the notes I want don't always seem to be in the places I put my fingers. This leads to many sour notes and obscenities. I'll keep working on this.

Hey, what's the deal with that "Do Re Mi" song from The Sound of Music? "Do" gets to be a female deer, "Re", a drop of golden sun. "Mi" is the name I call myself, "Fa" a long long way to run. "So" is a needle pulling thread, but poor "La" is the note that follows "So". That's it? The note that follows "So"? That's the best they could do? This has to be one of the all time biggest copouts in pop culture history. Rodgers or Hammerstein (whichever one is responsible) should be ashamed. It's just sad.

Anyway, don't let The Sound of Music get you down. From all of us at Jeremy's Status Message to all of you, have a wonderful Festivus, Christmas, and New Year's!

I will be out of the office for the remainder of the year, but the status messages will keep coming! Stay tuned for Jeremy's Status Message Presents: The 12 Days of Christmas.

Thursday, December 20, 2007

It's Not Just For Weddings and Bar Mitzvahs Anymore

Dadadadadadada dadadadadadada dadadadadadada clap clap clap clap

Source: This would be the chicken dance.

Explanation: See, every once in a while, I like to post music in text form and see if anybody has any idea what on earth I'm talking about. Usually (as with anything else I post) the answer is no. Not sure how to do it? Here's an instructional video:



At this point, I should probably mention that this is the most addictive song known to man and that if you've watched this video, your Christmas is now ruined in a giant puddle of accordian music. Happy Holidays!

Special Blog Bonus: It's a Chicken Dance-Off!

Wednesday, December 19, 2007

碳定年

"It remains inexplicable that we can solve murders with the help of a single hair fiber or a drop of saliva, but we can't figure out the exact ages of Cuban baseball players and Asian basketball players."

Source: ESPN's Bill Simmons, talking about how we have no idea what Yi Jianlian's actual age is. Yi is listed as 20 by the Milwaukee Bucks, but it is widely believed that he's older. Luckily, we don't have concerns like that with American players.


Nope, nobody has ever thought that a young American basketball talent was older than he claimed.


Nosirree. Never.

Special Blog Bonus: As a bonus today, you get a little culture. The title of today's post is "Carbon Dating" translated to simplified Chinese*, via Google Translator. I do not actually know anything about Chinese. This is why I wonder about people who get tattoos of Chinese or Japanese characters. It's not that I don't trust a tattoo artist named "Snake" to be a reputable source for eastern Asian languages... I'm just afraid that a minor miscommunication somewhere along the line might leave me with "Monkey's Butt" permanently written in large Chinese characters** somewhere on my body.

*I just discovered that these Chinese characters are unprintable on my home machine, but show up fine on my work machine. If you don't have the fonts, then just pretend that the unprintable characters are really Chinese.
**Google claims this tattoo would look something like "屁股的猴子" in simplified Chinese.

Tuesday, December 18, 2007

Something You Don't Want On Your Hamburger

Words you never want to say: "Wait a minute! That's not ketchup!"

Explanation: So, the other day, after some difficulty opening the "safety seal" on a ketchup bottle, I poured my ketchup and noticed that I had some on my thumb. Upon further inspection, I exclaimed today's status. Apparently, I had managed to slice my thumb open on the safety seal and it was bleeding profusely. Very safe, indeed. On the bright side, I have never found myself saying "That's not apple juice!" (OK, I did say that once, but it turned out to be white grape juice)

Monday, December 17, 2007

It Does The Body Merry

Merry Christmas milk!

Explanation: Today I opened a gallon of milk with a December 25th expiration date. It's Christmas milk!

No matter how old I get, I still get excited for holidays (probably because it means I won't be working) and nothing is a better reminder that a holiday approaches than knowing that you have to use your milk by that day! Woo-hoo!

Another sure-fire reminder that Christmas approaches is the fact that I need to wear sunglasses when outside in our neighborhood at night... but that's a post for another day.*

*This is a writing device called "foreshadowing". The knowledgeable reader now knows that I have a future post planned concerning my neighbors' Christmas lights.

Sunday, December 16, 2007

Just Like in College

From the archives:

Today's status message is left as an exercise to the reader.

Explanation: I was really excited about this status message back when I came up with it. Man, was I sick of reading something in college, only to find that its proof was left as an exercise for the reader. It was never like "1/2 is a rational number" either. Oh no. It was like "Given two identical jelly donuts, a red hankerchief, and a 1974 Volkswagen Beetle, clearly there is a God."

Also, leaving today's status as an exercise for the reader seemed like a good idea, considering that I'm posting this after 9PM - I pretty much did it anyway without saying as much.

Saturday, December 15, 2007

YETISPORTS!

From the archives:

His feet are webby, short beak, wings unsteady,
There's herring on his coat already, lunch was messy.
He's nervous, but on the surface he looks calm and ready
To fly far, at the hands of the Yeti.
Off the ground, he swings around and around.
He spreads his wings out but their size leaves some doubt.
Yeti holds him now, swinging fast he's frozen now,
Release the mouse, and the penguin's flying, WOW!

Source: This is a song based on Eminem's Lose Yourself from the movie 8 Mile. The topic, however, is the third part in the series of Yeti games on YETISPORTS.

Explanation: The object of most of the Yeti games is simple: use the Yeti to propel a penguin for maximum distance. In the first highly addictive part, the Yeti simply uses a bat. Part 2 was lame, so we won't talk about it here. In part 3, the one my above song is about, the Yeti swings the penguin around in circles, throwing him for height. It's actually been quite some time since I've played any of these, so I don't remember the other parts very well. In one, I know the yeti uses the penguin as a golf ball. Anyway, parts one and three were extremely addictive, so I encourage anyone who hasn't seen them yet to go check them out.

Friday, December 14, 2007

Performance Enhanced Blogging?

I'm just glad the Mitchell Report is out and my name is finally cleared.

Explanation: I've denied all allegations against me, and now my name has been cleared. Yep, not being in the Mitchell Report means that there is abolutely no way that I could have possibly used blog-enhancing substances. Thank you to all who supported me through this difficult time.

Special Blog Bonus: Haven't read all 400+ pages? Get a special inside look at those who were surprisingly named in the Mitchell Report:

Johnny Bravo



Garfield



Grape Ape



Bam Bam Bigelow



Bam Bam Flintstone

Thursday, December 13, 2007

Me Post No Writer Today

Writer strike make me post own funny laff status.

Explanashun: Becawze Writers Gild of America strike, me write own funny laff status message today. No creativ like smart clever writer people, but do best with little brain me get. Me hope writers come back soon cuz no have more funny laff status for post. No remember hiku silable numbers for Friday and no very good with poems and stuff anyway. Sorry for misspelinks.

Speshal Bonus: No get rights for Far side or Dilbert. Me draw own funny comic:

Wednesday, December 12, 2007

A Little Football/Prison Humor to Brighten Your Day

How can they send Michael Vick to a minimum-security federal penetentiary? Has there ever been a quarterback who was more of a threat to run?

Explanation: Michael Vick was sentenced to a 23 month prison sentence on Monday. But "minimum security"? I beg to differ. Vick is going to run. You know that going in. I'm thinking the prison needs some sort of a cover-two or a zone-blitzing scheme. And they undoubtedly need a spy. When he breaks contain, and it's going to happen, they need to be prepared. Can we get Bill Belichek on this?

Special Blog Bonus: At this point I would point you to some sort of clever Flash game involving Michael Vick and dogs and possibly PETA, or to a humerous article about Vick going to prison, but the internet is far too tasteful for such things. Instead, if you would like to partake in some pleasant family entertainment, I suggest you go to Willie's blog and watch the YouTube clip where people light a Tickle Me Elmo on fire.

Tuesday, December 11, 2007

Pet Peeve: ICTL

My Pet Peeve:

ppl who use ictl

Explanation: It's official. I'm giving it a name. I officially proclaim it to be ICTL: "I Can't Type Language." As a frequent user of instant-messaging tools, I have grown to despise this. I know, ICTL is quite popular with text message senders, and I don't condone their use of it, but at least they have the excuse of dealing with a horrific text entry interface. Instant messagers have no such excuse. Their only excuse is that they can't type on a standard keyboard.

I just love having exchanges like this online:

Jeremy: Hey do you have a minute?
Coworker: brb
...
Coworker: ok
Jeremy: We're going to have to report our status on this project at the meeting this afternoon. Do you think you can put together your half of it, and then we'll just each present separately?
Coworker: sure
Jeremy: Cool. Thanks!
Coworker: np
Jeremy: See you at 1:00.
Coworker: ok

I typed about 210 characters. My coworker typed 13. I typed 10 punctuation marks. My coworker typed 0. I typed 6 capitalized letters. My coworker typed zero.

This is even worse when I get outside of my industry. Every time I'm playing poker online and somebody types "nh" for "Nice hand" or "gg" for "Good game," I just want to strangle them. TYPE IT OUT, PEOPLE! Jeez. It's not that hard.

Monday, December 10, 2007

Happy Hanukkah!

I ate a lot of latkes this weekend.

Explanation: The toughest decision I made this weekend was how to fill myself up - brisket or latkes. I opted for the 50-50 option and it was WONDERFUL. Even better were the leftover latkes and brisket I had for lunch yesterday, not to mention the latkes I will eat today.

Yes, it's Hanukkah, the Jewish festival of lights, which commemorates the rededication of the Second Temple of Jerusalem in celebration of the Macabeees' victory over the Seleucid Empire. At the time, there was only enough consecrated oil to fuel the eternal flame in the Temple for one day, but then a miracle occurred. It was discovered that extra oil could be obtained by squeezing their latkes, and the flame lasted for eight days, which was enough time for fresh olive oil to be prepared and consecrated.

Special Blog Bonus: It's the South Park Dreidel Song! (Like anything else South Park, this song contains adult language.) If you've ever been at a table where several people are playing dreidel, you can really appreciate Stan's lyrics: "I'll try to make it spin. It fell, I'll try again..." Some people just have more spinning trouble than others.

Sunday, December 9, 2007

Welcome To Titanicville

From the archives:

Would you be nervous if you lived in a town called Neversink?

Source: Apparently, I once drove past a town called Neversink and thought it was funny. I don't actually remember where it was, but according to Google Maps, it's a town in New York I passed during my days as a volleyball coach. I guess it's better than living in Nodumphere or Ignorethesmell.

Saturday, December 8, 2007

Gene Simmons Never Had a Personal Computer When He Was a Kid

From the archives:

Gene Simmons never had a personal computer when he was a kid. How do we know? We know because our own well-documented research has shown conclusively that a child who lacks his own personal computer during those earliest school years will very probably grow up to be a bass player in a heavy-metal rock band who wears women's fishnet pantyhose and sticks his tongue down to his kneecaps. Just like Gene Simmons. Your child's future doesn't have to look like this. The Banana Junior 6000 Self-portable Personal Computer System, complete with its optional software Bananawrite, Bananadraw, Bananafile, and Bananamanager is just what your four-year-old needs to compete in today's cut-throat world of high tech and high expectations. The Banana Junior 6000... Buy one before it's too late. Gene's mother wishes she had.

Source: This was taken directly from Bloom County:


In fact, now that I think about it, I have no idea why Bloom County hasn't made an appearance here before. Look for more in the future.

Friday, December 7, 2007

LEGO Haiku!

Unfortunately,
My LEGO Haiku exists
Only in my blog.

Explanation: It is Haiku Friday, and I used my status message to redirect everyone to my blog to witness the awesomeness that is my LEGO Haiku:


Also, coming soon to Philly is the Art of Brick museum show. It'll be at the American Swedish Historical Museum from August 22 to November 30 in 2008. I think my favorite piece is Yellow:


And finally, as part of today's super LEGO extravaganza, Operation Lethal Duck, which won the Castle Siege category of the www.classic-castle.com LEGO Castle Contest. You have to check this out!

Thursday, December 6, 2007

Ergo...

You see Jake, in the old west, cowboys could be out on the dusty range for months at a time, and they get mighty dirty. So they'd mosey into town with nothing but the clothes on their backs, and they'd need to wash them. So what they'd do is, they'd go down to the creek, and strip down until they were wearing nothing but their boots... in order to warn people that were swimming that a naked cowboy was on his way, he would yell, or, if you will, call, “Booty! Booty!” Ergo, the Booty Call.

Source: From Two and a Half Men.

Explanation: Alan is dating Kandi, a 22-year-old who isn't that bright. She comes walking in the door and yells that she's there for a booty call, not knowing that Alan's son, Jake, is in the house. Jake asks Alan what a booty call is, and Alan immediately says that Kandi has come over to do laundry. Jake asks why she doesn't have a laundry basket with her. After a long pause, the following conversation ensues:

Alan: You see Jake, in the old west, cowboys could be out on the dusty range for months at a time, and they get mighty dirty. So they'd mosey into town with nothing but the clothes on their backs, and they'd need to wash them. So what they'd do is, they'd go down to the creek, and strip down until they were wearing nothing but their boots.
Charlie (Alan's brother): Why'd they keep their boots on?
Alan: Rattlesnakes. Anyways, in order to warn people that were swimming that a naked cowboy was on his way, he would yell, or, if you will, call, “Booty! Booty!” Ergo, the Booty Call.
Kandi: Wow Alan, you really make history fun.
Alan: Well, thank you.
Kandi: So when did it start meaning casual sex?

Wednesday, December 5, 2007

Get Your Festivus Shopping Done Soon

Only 18 shopping days left until Festivus!

Source: If you don't know about Festivus yet, it was a holiday created on the show Seinfeld. Of course, if you needed to know that, um... well, you probably missed the nineties altogether.



I'm really looking forward to the airing of grievances this year, 'cause I've got a LOT OF THEM!

Tuesday, December 4, 2007

Sharing Birthdays Today...

Sharing birthdays today are pole vaulter Sergei Bubka, rapper Jay-Z, actress Marisa Tomei, model Tyra Banks, and millions of other people who nobody particularly cares about.

Explanation: Also with a birthday today is comedienne Margaret Cho, who falls into the last category. This, of course, takes me back to the Simpsons episode where Homer is asked for ID to verify that he is a veteran, which he is lying about to get an admission discount:

"Charlie didn't ask for ID when I fought at La Choy, and Chun King. I saw my best friend's head explode at Margaret Cho."

Special Blog Bonus: I haven't run a comic in a while, so here's an xkcd you may not have seen yet:

Monday, December 3, 2007

Clark, I Am Your Father

Just for the record, I do not think Superman should be allowed to wield a lightsaber.

Explanation: Just a random thought from an incident on Thanksgiving weekend. The cardinality of the integers came up again, too - This time a google has been replaced by a googleplex as the largest number in existence. I had to go back and reread my letter to the four-year-olds of America... even though the offender is now five.

Special Blog Bonus: Not sure if I've posted this yet, but I love this clip about how Superman should have ended:

Sunday, December 2, 2007

Orange Bowl, Here We Come!

From the archives:

"After notching their 100th blocked punt, they tried to give Frank Beamer the game ball, but someone got a piece of it."

Explanation: I just made this up. I think Virginia Tech notched the 100th blocked punt or blocked kick of the Beamer era, so I posted this as my status. Anyway, it seemed appropriate today, seeing as the ACC Champion Virginia Tech Hokies blocked two kicks in yesterday's game, including an extra point that was run back for a two-point conversion. The announcer said, "You don't see that very often!" To the contrary, if you're a Virginia Tech fan, you actually do see it more than most.

Also, as a result of #1 Missouri and #2 West Virginia both losing yesterday, it appears that every team in America now has a legitimate shot at playing in the BCS Championship game. I was most amused when one of the talking heads claimed that USC had a good chance of playing in the game. USC was ranked #8 in the BCS standings last week and defeated unranked UCLA at home. Meanwhile, two of the teams ahead of them won conference championships this weekend on neutral fields against top-15 teams while the 3 teams ahead of those two teams were idle. How exactly does that qualify USC for anything?

Saturday, December 1, 2007

Not Old - Elderly

From the archives:

I'm not saying Professor Farnsworth is old, but if you consider his age, he's likely to die soon.

Source: Bender from Futurama. This reminds me of a time a child who knew my grandmother called her "elderly." The child's mother immediately scolded the child for saying something so rude. The child said, "What? It's not like I called her old!"

Exciting News: Speaking of Futurama, it will return for another season! Well, sort of. It will return in the form of a DVD set that will be broken down into 16 30-minute episodes and aired next season. Woo-hoo!