From the archives:
You will learn a valuable lesson about strategic thinking after you write insults in your worst enemy's Advanced Judo handbook.
Source: This was one of my favorite horoscopes from The Onion way back when. I haven't been reading them lately, so they're all new to me! Oh joy! Here are a few I just stumbled upon:
- Lady Luck will be on your side this week. Unfortunately for you, Lady Skill, Lady Experience, and Lady Applied Probability Theory won't.
- Now that the hard part is over, all you have to do is sit back, relax, and hope that San Diego Zoo officials don't notice the uncanny physical resemblance.
- You've never been very good with technology, making this week's unstoppable killing machine especially difficult for you to handle.
- The stars foresee a time of great vagueness and something or other in your future. Also, there will be a chair.
- Dyslexia may be a serious affliction, but so is abusing it in order to attain triple-letter scores when playing Scrabble.
Special Blog Bonus: This has nothing to do with anything (as usual) but it's important to know that the slumping economy touches everyone: