SALAD!!!

All I wanted was a freakin' salad. Is that too much to ask?

Explanation: Last night I wanted a salad for dinner. Not just any salad, mind you. I wanted to get one of those good salads with the bacon bits and ham cubes and cheese goodness that you can only build perfectly at a salad bar. At about 7:15 my wife and I set out to a grocery store that we haven't been to since new ownership took over. It turns out that they close up their salad bar pretty early. It also turns out that, after about a half hour there, neither my wife nor I will ever set foot in that store again, but that's a story for another day. A little after 8:00, we went to Wegman's, who always seems to do everything right. We had visited their salad bar recently and I was quite satisfied with the result. As we walked in, we saw the salad bar being disassembled for the night. OK, I could understand that. I decided to settle with a salad from Panera, which is in the same shopping center. You can always count on Panera. Good old trusty Panera. Hey, what does that sign say on the door? "WE ARE CLOSING AT 8:00 TONIGHT TO TRAIN EMPLOYEES ON A NEW MENU. WE APOLOGIZE FOR THE INCONVENIENCE." And what time is it? 8:11 PM.

It was about this point in the evening when my wife began to question whether I was being effected negatively by my poison ivy medication. Perhaps it was the litany of four-letter words that came out of my mouth. Maybe it had something to do with the curses I put upon several aggressive drivers on the way home (and their mothers). It might have had something to do with the whining she had to endure as I ate my nachos for dinner, which, if you were wondering, are not even remotely close to salad.

Regardless, I have now learned a valuable lesson. First, you can't count on getting a good salad when you want one in this town. Second, this whole ordeal was much more dramatic last night than it appears in this post. Luckily for you, I have a good video clip for you...

Special Blog Bonus: Here's Eddie Izzard's "Death By Tray" bit in LEGO: