Primary Elections

Remember, you can only vote for candidates today who are sunburned, choking, or chicken. Please steer clear of that girl Violet from Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, any bodybuilder with that nasty spray-on tan stuff, and any and all environmentalists.

Explanation: See, it's a primary election. You have to vote for red, blue, or yellow candidates. If it were a secondary election, you could vote for Violet (purple), bodybuilders (orange), and environmentalists (green).

More candidates you can vote for:

• Spiderman
• Superman
• Any Smurf
• The Tick
• The Sun (but not during sunrise or sunset)
• Dr. Zoidberg
• Kool-Aid Man
• This guy
• Or maybe this guy

More candidates you cannot vote for:

• Garfield
• Any Minnesota Viking
• Celery
• The Green Giant
• The Green Lantern
• Otto
• Any Oompa Loompa
• Barney the Dinosaur
• The elephant from my subconscious

This has been a public service message provided by Jeremy's Status Message.