Dirk's Horoscope

Today you will meet a three-ton rhinoceros called Desmond.

Source: The Salmon of Doubt by Douglas Adams.

Explanation: This was Dirk Gently's horoscope. Here's a larger exerpt:

"He even consulted his own horoscope in one of the papers, the one written by a disreputable friend of his who toiled unscrupulously under the name of The Great Zaganza. First he glanced at some of the entries under other birth signs, just to get a feel for the kind of mood the GZ was in. Mellow, it seemed, at first sight. ‘Your ability to take the long view will help you through some of the minor difficulties you experience when Mercury...’, ‘Past weeks have strained your patience, but new possibilities will now start to emerge as the sun...’, ‘Beware of allowing others to take advantage of your good nature. Resolve will be especially called for when...’. Boring, humdrum stuff. He read his own horoscope. ‘Today you will meet a three-ton rhinoceros called Desmond.’”