The Rolled-Up Newspaper of Justice

From the archives:

"Y'know, evil comes in many forms, whether it be a man-eating cow or Joseph Stalin, but you can't let the package hide the pudding! Evil is just plain bad! You don't cotton to it. You gotta smack it in the nose with the rolled-up newspaper of justice! Bad dog! Bad dog! And you don't do it for money. No! You do it for love! You know, I've learned something this week… on justice and on friendship, there is no price. But there are established credit limits."

Source: The Tick. The Tick was a cartoon superhero (and very briefly played by Patrick Warburton on Fox) who liked long rambling monologues like this. He wasn't too bright, but he was nigh invulnerable, so that was something. Incidentally, the episode I'm quoting did involve Joseph Stalin and a man-eating cow.

Special Blog Bonus: The man-eating cow (Click for a sound byte):