Monday, April 28, 2008

99 Problems

If you're having dog problems, I feel bad for you son, 'cause I've got 99 problems, but a bitch ain't one.

Source: This is paraphrased from Jay-Z, only he didn't say "dog."

Important Note From the Editor: I can say "bitch" here because it is the appropriate term for a female dog. On my work status, I did not feel comfortable saying it, so it says "but Emma ain't one."

Explanation: After an entire week of adoring and doting on my parents' dog Emma, we gave her back yesterday. Keep in mind that a large percentage of our week was spent coaxing (and bribing) her up steps into the house because her arthritis makes it unpleasant for her. Anyway, my dad is out in our driveway getting the backseat of the car ready for her. He's setting up blankets for her and such. Emma, who is inside, darts to the front door and looks like she's ready to jump out of her skin. I let her outside, assuming that was the "I need the bathroom" dance, only instead of running to our lawn, she runs around to the other side of the car and jumps in. She JUMPED in! No goodbye. No "Thanks for all the biscuits and belly rubs." Just in the car and ready to go.

So, while the house is quieter without her snoring and more depressing without her excitement when I go downstairs, I figured I'd just focus on the things I won't miss, like the fur and the poop scooping.

Other Important Weekend Notes:

  • Jar-Jar Binks pitched for Atlanta against the Mets at Shea on Friday.
  • We saw Bobby Cox get ejected. That's like seeing Babe Ruth hit a home run.
  • Jim's birthday was not listed on the Jumbotron
  • We witnessed a food fight in a place where beer costs $8 and up and nothing is less than $5. I don't know if I could ever rationalize throwing $20 worth of food at someone.
  • It's amazing how the beauty of the Manhattan skyline can be totally negated by the unpleasantness of driving on the Brooklyn-Queens Expressway.
  • In New York, people just don't make eye contact. I had calamine lotion all over my face, and only caught one person staring at me.
  • I did not get drafted by the NFL this year... again.


Willie Y said...

Maybe Emma did not like your brand of biscuits and maybe you where rubbing her belly the wrong way.

Speaking of Shea stadium. At a game I attended at Shea, as I was leaving the stadium some one dropped a full can of beer from the upper deck that landed right in front of me. What a waste of a good beer. Oh yea I could have been killed as well.

Heather said...

You've met Emma. There is no wrong way to rub that belly.
And she brought her brand of biscuits from home (ie. The "tiny tiny type for really fat dogs who wouldn't listen without a trea" Brand)

Jeremy said...

Hey! We bought those little fat dog biscuits for her!