Wednesday, October 17, 2007

Hurry! Before It's Too Late!

Why are you reading this? You should be helping Ellen Degeneres get Iggy the puppy back to those poor children!

Source: Apparently, there was a big to-do yesterday involving Ellen Degeneres sobbing on her show because she adopted a puppy at the shelter, could not keep the dog, and gave the dog to a family (with children! those poor children!) which, as it turned out, was against shelter rules, so the shelter reclaimed the dog, causing poor, poor Dori Ellen to sob uncontrollably in front of her live television audience. THIS warrants five minutes of every tabloid show on television between seven and eight o'clock. Why do I know this? Just don't ask.*

I do have to say, the funniest part of this was listening to Pat O'Brien talk like he was going to do something about it. Again, just don't ask.

But now, to save you a few valuable minutes between seven and eight tonight, Jeremy's Status Message presents Create Your Own Tabloid Lead Story! Simply read the script and whenever you encounter brackets, just choose one of the comma-seperated items within them to create the introduction to your very own lead story for an evening tabloid show!

Good evening and welcome to Entertainment [Tonight, Weekly, Daily, Extra, Magazine, !]. I'm your host [Mark McGrath, John Tesh, Pat O'Brien, James Brown, Joe Buck] joined as always by the [stunning, ravishing, pedestrian, plump, evil Lord] [Leeza Simmons, Pat O'Brien, John Madden, Sideshow Bob, Satan]. Coming up, red carpet fashion [snafus, blunders, no-nos, nightmares] from the [Emmys, Oscars, Golden Globes, People's Choice Awards, Video Music Awards, Tonys, ESPYs, Essences, Oprahs, Enyas], but first, our top story.

[Britney Spears, Britney, K-Fed's Ex, Brit] was swarmed by paparazzi today while [getting out of her car, getting into her car, near her car, by her car, in a public place] and Entertainment [Tonight, Weekly, Daily, Extra, Magazine, !] has the exclusive video! Here, Britney [decked out, clad, slumming, pimped out] in [sweats, a neon pink wig, oversized sunglasses, a not-very-flattering bikini] has some rude words for a photo-taker as she [gets into her car, gets out of her car, commits a felony, juggles her children wihle driving]. Settle down [Britney Spears, Britney, K-Fed's Ex, Brit]!!! Later last night, she had clearly gotten past the [incident, encounter, Britneygate], as she was seen entering [a hot night club, Starbucks, rehab] with [Paris Hilton, Lindsay Lohan, Paris Hilton and Lindsay Lohan, oversized sunglasses]. You can trust Entertainment [Tonight, Weekly, Daily, Extra, Magazine, !] to bring you more of this story as it breaks.

Random Observation: If you have exclusive footage of a celebrity interacting with paparazzi, doesn't that make YOU the paparazzi? Just wondering...

*This will be my only post about these tabloid shows, I promise.

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