With the Third Pick in the NBA Draft...

I can understand Portland taking Greg Oden and Seattle taking Kevin Durant, but I'm really shocked that the Atlanta Hawks skipped the draft to wait in line for an iPhone.


Explanation: Seriously, have you ever in your life seen such high anticipation for something so expensive? We at Jeremy's Status Message have not. BUT, we have gotten our hands on the iPhone spec sheet, and here are some of the features that make it the most hotly anticipated product in years:

• Screen switches from portrait to landscape when you rotate it. iPhone curses at you if you spin it.
• Choose one of three MIDI ring tones.
• Bluetooth interface allows others to more easily steal your digital information.
• Free Steve Jobs screensaver included.
• iPhone does not, I repeat, not function as a weapon in any way.
• High resolution touchscreen will keep your lonely soul bright and warm on winter nights.
• Holding phone renders user invisible. Dropping iPhone in fire reveals the base control code for the Apple II written on its perimeter... in Elvish.
• According to taste tests, new iPhone tastes 20% better than classic iPod.
• Total babe magnet.