Laboring Over Grammar

We're. They'll. I'd. O'clock. Should've. Doesn't. He's. You're. Ma'am. 'Twas. Ne'er-do-well...

Explanation: I'm practicing for contractions. According to the childbirth video we saw, the contractions start out small and slowly build up over the course of labor. In the beginning, the contractions are spaced out and you barely notice them:

'Tis but a minor discomfort. The last one 'twas five minutes ago. Please, there's no need to for the formality, you don't have to call me "ma'am."

Then they build up for the second stage of labor:

It's quite painful! I've had 'em since 4 o'clock! I'd like to see what you'd do in my place - you wouldn't last a minute. I should've gotten an epidural!

At the final stage of labor, they are the most intense and almost continuous:

M'ke th' p'n st'p! Why'd y'u d' th's t' m'??? I n'd m'rph'ne!

This concludes today's lesson on grammar and childbirth. Stay tuned tomorrow as we discuss why women in labor just don't appreciate puns.