Tuesday, August 21, 2007

I'm Not Here To Talk About the Past

I categorically deny all of the recent allegations that this status message was ever assisted by any performance-enhancing substances.

Explanation: I'm shocked and appalled at the implications by former Major League Baseball player Jose Canseco that this status message was enhanced by illegal chemical means in the past. This status message has never been aided by any banned substance, be it "The Clear", "The Cream", or SMGH (status message growth hormone). This status message is strictly fueled by caffeine, just like the status messages of our forefathers. The only thing this message has ever been injected with was wit - something Canseco could use himself.

In response to the suggestion by the commissioner that my blog post count during the "steroid era" of blogging be labeled with an asterisk, I say that I'm not here to talk about the past. I should also add, "LOOK! LOOK AT BARRY BONDS' GIGANTIC HEAD! BALCO! BALCO! BALCO!"

Are you still looking?

Crud.

3 comments:

Willie Y said...

Take two steps back and relax lobsterboy. I'll be ok.

Willie Y said...

I mean it will be ok. This is a revision of the previous comment.

Heather said...

A supportive onlooker was heard to cry out in the distance, "Sofia's pregnent!"

It distracted no one but the performance enhanced, rage filled blogger who, numbed by misuse of oxyrun-ons and BGH (blog growth hormone..a 6'6" blogger, come on, that's not normal..)promptly referenced bacon, Futurama, several skinny Js, a chicken, and then passed out.

Passing out did cause the enhanced blogger to click his own site repeatedly, vindicating himself and his use of Blog enhancing drugs to the Mrs.