Friday, August 31, 2007

Does the $6 Million Man Need a Best Friend?

So, I thought the world wasn't fair when Lance Briggs of the Chicago Bears crashed a car that cost as much as my house. Then I saw that an IBM executive cashed in $2.77 million worth of stock options, so I thought the world was even less fair. Then I saw that Leona Helmsley left $12 million to her dog. Now I think the world is just plain funny.

Explanation: No explanation needed, other than the fact that Leona Helmsley must have an interesting family, considering that her dog got $12 million and two of her grandchildren got nothing.

So here's my question. How does one leave money to a dog? A dog has no social security number. Does it pay taxes on the money? Is the money left to the dog's keeper? What restrictions force the keeper to spend that money on the dog? It's a freakin' dog! What does a dog need? It's going to live ten more years tops, and it's interests involve people food, licking itself, and pooping on the carpet.

Frankly, if I were the estate lawyer, I'd be all like "Yes, Mrs. Helmsley, $12 million to your dog. Sure thing!" Then I'd fill my name in instead. What would happen? Would the dog sue you after she died? I bet I could make this work.


Jack said...

After being stuck with Leona Helmsley for most of its life, the dog needs the money. Do you think a "close personal friend" and "Companion" to Leona Helmsley has any friends of its own? And what about the socially unacceptable practices the dog was taught? Leona would verbally eviscerate people, the does it literally. But it’s a small dog that will need servants to hold down its prey while it demonstrates Helmsleyesk behavior.

Should the dog get the money? You bet!

Besides, Leona taught her dog, you don't need friend, you can buy them. And, I’m not sure that $12,000,000 is enough! Ergo, the money is necessary to prevent canine rehabilitation and maintain its life style.

Willie Y said...

The religious right is always complaining abut giving gay people the right to marry. One bright pun dent even suggested this would lead to people marring animal. Well I,being very liberal, would like to be on the forefront of this trend and pledge my love and devotion to Trouble if she or it will have me. Lets go hand a paw into the future together for few hours or days you have left in your world.