Seven thousand birthday gifts. Her favorites? A night light and a lollipop.
Explanation: My little girl just turned two. She had a very happy birthday (which somehow has stretched across three parties) and based on the pictures, her gift volume exceeded her personal volume. Anyway, the big winners were a lollipop and a night light that changes colors. Mental note: Keep the budget lower next year.
Help! I'm snowed in and I just ran out of Cheetos!
Explanation: Rough day in my house. Yesterday morning we were hit with a surprise snowstorm. The township was woefully unprepared (as were we) and we ended up stuck in a house where the food supply was dwindling. Then, overnight, we got about a foot more of snow. Our road wasn't plowed all day. I spent every minute of my free time shoveling. We were stuck in the house. And worst of all, WE RAN OUT OF CHEETOS!!! Oh, the horror.*
Random note: I realized yesterday, that if you put Frank's Red Hot Sauce on Cheetos, they won't change color. Not that I did that. I just realized it. Nifty.
*I should note that days like these are where I really regret trading the Bronco in for a Honda.
"There's a candy cane on my hat!"
Source: This would be a random quote from my daughter. Get used to these - I don't leave the house much, you know.
Explanation: While being buckled in her car seat on a particularly cold day, my daughter naturally wanted to lean around and see what was available to play with in the back seat. This makes it particularly difficult to buckle her in, which is a wee bit frustrating if you're standing in 15 degree weather while you attempt to do so... but I digress. Anyway, she found her pink winter hat and noticed for the first time that there was something on the front. Probing her memory, she realized that the only thing it could possibly be was a candy cane, hence the quote.
And now we know how Phil Night gets his evil clutches on the youth of America...
If Taylor Swift's publicist doesn't start doing his job soon, I think she should dump him and find someone who can do a better job of getting her name out there.
Explanation: As I was eating my morning bowl of Swifties and listening to an advertisement on Taylor Swift radio for Taylor Swift's new Cover Girl whatever, I began to think that maybe Taylor Swift isn't utilizing her full marketing potential. There are at least 35 to 40 minutes a day when I am not reminded that she is a soulful and innocent young songwriter who is adored by fans young and old and mistreated by celebrity boyfriends, and oh, by the way, did you hear that she's dating so-and-so? SOMEBODY needs to fill those 35 to 40 minutes. We need "Taylor Swift the Toilet Paper!" and "Taylor Swift the Flamethrower!" Taylor Swift needs to find a publicist who will make the most out of her fifteen minutes of fame and she has to do it now, because that clock is ticking. I'm hoping it's already up.
Editor's Addendum: We at Jeremy's Sametime Status would like to announce that this morning at approximately 9:08 am, we were purchased by Swiftcorp, a subsidiary of Taylor Industries. All hail our benevolent overlord!
Ab kuh deff ghee jeckyl minopp querr stewwww wick sizz
Source: Sesame Street
Explanation: My daughter loves YouTube. As we've surfed through appropriate programming for a child her age, I stumbled upon this clip from Sesame Street:
She liked it, but it wasn't anything special until one day I decided to learn how to say ABCDEFGHIJKLMNOPQRSTUVWXYZ. After ten minutes of practicing, I nailed it. And she listened to me the whole time and decided it was cool. Now she says "ABA GUBBA GA JUBBA JA ICKSIZ" or something like that, and it amuses the heck out of me. So, I figured I'd share it with you.
I didn't think she had a job. How does she have TWO snow days today?
Explanation: A couple of years ago, my wife left her job as a teacher to stay home and take care of our daughter. After a few months, she took a teaching job at the local college, which she stopped this year because we're expecting a baby in May. So, starting this year, she was unemployed. She took on a week-long consulting job at the school she used to work at for this week and low and behold - snow day. Meanwhile, the college still has her on the call list, so we received numerous notifications Tuesday night about college closings. Hence, she had not one, but TWO snow days today. Not fair!
Moral of the Story: Working from home sucks when it snows.
When I get sad, I stop being sad and be awesome instead.
Source: Barney Stinson, from How I Met Your Mother.
Explanation: So, a certain television channel has picked up How I Met Your Mother in syndication. They just started running the series from season one, and since I started watching in season three or four, I am frantically watching episodes to catch up. Unfortunately, they show two episodes a night, back to back, so this is turning into quite an obligation. On the bright side, I am exposed to wonderful quotes like this one from Mr. Stinson. Telepathic high five!
...
Awesome!
Congratulations grapefruit. You are now my favorite citrus fruit.
Explanation: My beloved Hokies got pummeled in the second half of the Orange Bowl last night. I will now never speak of this game again.
Upside: I got to watch the destruction in HD, courtesy of my new 21st century television. If you were wondering what that glow was outside your window last night, that was it. A new TV for VT. It seemed so perfect. Oh well. At least my TV was a winner.
From the archives:
Milk Duds: Recommended by 4 out of 5 dentists with yachts.
Explanation: I swore off Milk Duds about 10 years ago because I could hear my dentist cringing every time I put one in my mouth. Silly me, I decided to give them a try again this year. After chomping on one for about 5 minutes, I decided that was enough for this decade. On the bright side, I didn't do any major damage. On the not so bright side, I'm still chewing on the damn thing.
I'm back!
Explanation: In case you're thinking this status message sucks, you're right. This post isn't actually status message. I am announcing my intent to resurrect this blog. I will not be posting daily, I will not be posting on a set schedule, but I will be posting. As always, all posts (other than this one) will be actual Sametime status messages. Hope you enjoy the statusey goodness!
Good news! My smoke detectors can detect a forgotten candle extinguishing itself at 2:00 in the morning!
Explanation: There's nothing quite like waking up to every smoke alarm in the house going off at 2:00 in the morning. I leaped from the bed and sprinted to the hall (sans glasses) to look for any hint of danger. None. Next I checked my daughter's room. No smoke in there, and surprisingly she was sleeping right through the screaming alarm. Impressive, considering all the tiptoeing we do around the house right around her bedtime.
Finally I threw on my glasses and checked downstairs, to find not much smoke, but a very suspicious candle that was pretty much out of wax. I blew it out and opened the window of that room, which caused the smoke alarms to return to normalcy in just a few seconds.
And then I laid awake in bed for an hour as the adrenaline wore off. Such fun.
*yawn*
If we had any lights on, you'd know that I live in the greenest house on the block.
Explanation: Last night my wife and I were discussing the flamboyant Halloween decorations on our neighbors' houses. Personally, I find those displays that require a lot of electricity to be environmentally irresponsible.* Of course, then I turned to my own house, which was pitch black because one front light is broken and the porch light timer is still beyond my grasp. Luckily, thanks to modern marketing, we can call our house "green" and celebrate our darkness.
*I should also mention that I find the spotlit six foot inflatable pumpkin across the street to be tastefully irresponsible as well.
Spoon!
Source: From the Tick.
Explanation: I've probably used this status before, but I don't care. When you're heading out to smack the minions of evil in the nose with the rolled up newspaper of justice, you need a battle cry. SPOON!
Have a chocolate!
Source: From this week's Big Bang Theory, Sheldon was conditioning Penny with chocolates. Thanks for reading my blog. Here's a chocolate.
I'm Batman.
Explanation: I'm not Batman like a superhero. I'm Batman like the Michael Keaton Batman who couldn't turn his neck. I pulled something in bad sleeping quarters over the weekend. I wonder if there's any Bat-Muscle-Relaxant in my utility belt...
I don't mind English, but some words are just cruel.
Explanation: I was playing WordTwist on Facebook the other day and the word "LISPER" came up. It seems to me the creators of that word were just cruel, cruel people. "Let's describe a condition using a word people with said condition cannot say!" Yes, while we're at it, let's make "tone deaf" only pronounceable through song! Ooh, and paraplegic can be only expressed through pantomime! What a bunch of jerks our ancestors were, huh?
Do you think there's someone out there like me who likes the word doppelganger as much as I do?
Explanation: I know, today's status is a stretch, but I do think that doppelganger is a cool word. Hey, maybe that person looks like me, too!
The taxonomy of my daughter's toy is perplexing.
Explanation: For a baby shower, we were given a hanging plush insect*, which we have used on the handle of my daughter's carseat for quite some time. It's many colors and play options have proven to be quite wonderful on car trips, and we have gotten many months of use out of it. 
The problem, however, arises when we attempt to speak about this insect. Some call it a butterfly. Some call it a firefly. Some call it a dragonfly. All taxonomy attempts on this insect have failed. Its unique coloring, five body sections, and oddly distributed wings make it a difficult critter to get a handle on. As a result, my poor little girl will most likely grow up thinking a dragonfly, a firefly, and a butterfly are all the same insect. Can you help?
*Lamaze, the manufacturer of this insect, calls it "Freddy the Firefly," but I question their taxonomic abilities as well.
If that football game were an emoticon, it would be colon capital D.
Source: This is blatantly ripped off from The Big Bang Theory, still one of the best written shows on television (in my humble opinion).
Explanation: The ninth-ranked University of Miami came to Blacksburg this weekend for a game against eleventh-ranked Virginia Tech in which Miami was somehow the overwhelming favorite. At the end of the day, the 'Canes walked out of Lane Stadium having been beaten down, 31-7. Now the Hokies, with only a loss to Alabama, are ranked #6. You can say that we are rivals with this school and that school, but few things feel better than beating Miami.
:D
