Kids Say the Darndest Things

"Why did you eat your baby?"

Explanation: On Tuesday morning a Pre-K teacher at Sarah's school called the school at the last minute and said she had a medical emergency. As the Pre-K aide had already taken a sick day, there was just a single substitute for the classroom. Since my wife's long term sub has already taken over third grade teaching duties, Sarah volunteered to cover the class. Keep in mind that Sarah is due on Saturday and looks the part.

As Sarah stood before the class for the first time, all eyes were on her belly. Then the questions started. I am not making this up. Kudos to Sarah for handling this gracefully.

Child 1: "Is she fat?"

Child 2: "No, she's having a baby."

Sarah: "That's right. I have a baby in my belly right now."

Child 1: "Can we see it?"

Sarah: "No, you can't see the baby. It's in my belly."

Child 3: "Are you having a boy?"

Sarah: "No, I'm having a little girl."

Child 3: "Why aren't you having a boy?"

Sarah: "You don't get to choose. You just get what you get."

Child 1: "Why did you eat your baby?"

Sarah: "No, I didn't eat my baby. She started growing inside me."

Child 4: "How did the baby get there?"

At this point I'm pretty sure Sarah played one of her magical teacher games where she avoided the question and distracted the student at the same time. After many years she is quite skillful at this. It's kind of like a Jedi mind trick.

Child 4: "How will the baby get out? Does your belly open like the engine of a car?"

Sarah: (Again, skillfully:) "No, my belly does not open. She'll find her way out."

Child 1: "Can we see the baby?"

Sarah: "No, it's inside my belly. You can't see it."

Child 3: "How do you hold it there? Can we see?"

Sarah: "No, the baby is inside my belly. There's skin over it. You can't see it."

Child 1 then tried (unsuccessfully) to lift Sarah's dress to find the baby. Needless to say, when she returned to her classroom that afternoon, her third graders seemed a lot more grown up.