Tuesday, October 14, 2008

Columbus Rocks!

Happy Day-After the Federal Holiday Everyone Forgets!

Explanation: That's right, yesterday was Columbus Day - the day when all Americans go out to check their mail and leave their trash cans at the curb without remembering that it is actually a federal holiday.

People, you have to respect the importance of this holiday. On the second Monday of every October, we celebrate the good people of Columbus, Ohio, and their contributions to this great land of ours. We give thanks for their professional sports teams: the Columbus Crew, the Columbus Blue Jackets, and the Ohio State Buckeyes. We hold picnics to share our love of Ohio's largest city with our families and dearest friends. We curse Drew Carey and all those other jerks who sing songs about how Cleveland Rocks. Columbus rules, Cleveland drools, people!

To everyone in my neighborhood with their trash out today (our trash gets delayed a day after federal holidays) shame on you! To everyone who checked their mail yesterday, shame on you! To everyone (me) who had to have a letter postmarked by October 13th and ended up driving to the Post Office distribution center by 4:30 so some guy in coveralls whom you had previously spoken to on the telephone could take it from you on the loading dock before the truck from the distribution center came, shame on you!

Columbus Day is an important federal holiday, just like Topeka Day, Carson City Day, and Boise Day. Respect the calendar, people!


Jeremy said...

You actually made a hockey reference. I'm so proud of you.

Jeremy said...

Frankly, the Buckeyes are a higher grossing pro team than the Blue Jackets.

Willie Y said...

Shad Gregory Moss (Bow Wow) (1987)
Born: Columbus, Ohio on 3/9/1987