I'm a Little Monkish Today

been have I lately Monk much too watching

Explanation: My status is "I have been watching too much Monk lately", but I thought it would look nicer if I put the words in alphabetical order. It does, too - I was right. Also, I think I have solved the crime:

The professor was upset about losing the grant to Dr. Wadsworth, but he knew that there was no way he could do anything about it without their coworkers becoming suspicious. But, he had access to the chemicals in the lab! He knew Dr. Wadsworth would need a 60-cent stamp to send his prospectus to the NSF, so he applied the E-coli to the back of the stamp and left it on Wadsworth's desk. Wadsworth took the bait, licking the stamp that very afternoon. It was a brilliant plan - everyone thought he had just fallen prey to the tampered chicken scare at the local supermarket. The professor had gotten away with murder, except he made two crucial mistakes. First, he did not know that Wadsworth, since his visit to the cattle ranch last summer, had recently become a vegetarian. Wadsworth would never buy chicken. And second, he did not know that the E-coli would break down the adhesive on the stamp, causing it to fall off. The post office returned the package postage due, but the stamp - the one piece of damning evidence, had apparently vanished. Except it hadn't. The stamp had fallen off in the "Out" bin in the department office and Lucy noticed it. She wasn't whispering about "infidelity" when we overheard her on the phone - she was talking about "philately". She's a stamp collector! We stopped by Lucy's house, and sure enough, the most recent addition to her collection is also the most valuable. It proves that the professor murdered Wadsworth!