And The Baby Slept

Good news! My smoke detectors can detect a forgotten candle extinguishing itself at 2:00 in the morning!

Explanation: There's nothing quite like waking up to every smoke alarm in the house going off at 2:00 in the morning. I leaped from the bed and sprinted to the hall (sans glasses) to look for any hint of danger. None. Next I checked my daughter's room. No smoke in there, and surprisingly she was sleeping right through the screaming alarm. Impressive, considering all the tiptoeing we do around the house right around her bedtime.

Finally I threw on my glasses and checked downstairs, to find not much smoke, but a very suspicious candle that was pretty much out of wax. I blew it out and opened the window of that room, which caused the smoke alarms to return to normalcy in just a few seconds.

And then I laid awake in bed for an hour as the adrenaline wore off. Such fun.

*yawn*

Green Post

If we had any lights on, you'd know that I live in the greenest house on the block.

Explanation: Last night my wife and I were discussing the flamboyant Halloween decorations on our neighbors' houses. Personally, I find those displays that require a lot of electricity to be environmentally irresponsible.* Of course, then I turned to my own house, which was pitch black because one front light is broken and the porch light timer is still beyond my grasp. Luckily, thanks to modern marketing, we can call our house "green" and celebrate our darkness.

*I should also mention that I find the spotlit six foot inflatable pumpkin across the street to be tastefully irresponsible as well.

Not In the Face!

Spoon!

Source: From the Tick.

Explanation: I've probably used this status before, but I don't care. When you're heading out to smack the minions of evil in the nose with the rolled up newspaper of justice, you need a battle cry. SPOON!

Classical Conditioning

Have a chocolate!

Source: From this week's Big Bang Theory, Sheldon was conditioning Penny with chocolates. Thanks for reading my blog. Here's a chocolate.

I'm Batman

I'm Batman.

Explanation: I'm not Batman like a superhero. I'm Batman like the Michael Keaton Batman who couldn't turn his neck. I pulled something in bad sleeping quarters over the weekend. I wonder if there's any Bat-Muscle-Relaxant in my utility belt...

Cruel Words

I don't mind English, but some words are just cruel.

Explanation: I was playing WordTwist on Facebook the other day and the word "LISPER" came up. It seems to me the creators of that word were just cruel, cruel people. "Let's describe a condition using a word people with said condition cannot say!" Yes, while we're at it, let's make "tone deaf" only pronounceable through song! Ooh, and paraplegic can be only expressed through pantomime! What a bunch of jerks our ancestors were, huh?

Doppelcoolness

Do you think there's someone out there like me who likes the word doppelganger as much as I do?

Explanation: I know, today's status is a stretch, but I do think that doppelganger is a cool word. Hey, maybe that person looks like me, too!

Plush Taxonomy 101

The taxonomy of my daughter's toy is perplexing.

Explanation: For a baby shower, we were given a hanging plush insect*, which we have used on the handle of my daughter's carseat for quite some time. It's many colors and play options have proven to be quite wonderful on car trips, and we have gotten many months of use out of it.


The problem, however, arises when we attempt to speak about this insect. Some call it a butterfly. Some call it a firefly. Some call it a dragonfly. All taxonomy attempts on this insect have failed. Its unique coloring, five body sections, and oddly distributed wings make it a difficult critter to get a handle on. As a result, my poor little girl will most likely grow up thinking a dragonfly, a firefly, and a butterfly are all the same insect. Can you help?

*Lamaze, the manufacturer of this insect, calls it "Freddy the Firefly," but I question their taxonomic abilities as well.

What Goes U Must Come D

If that football game were an emoticon, it would be colon capital D.

Source: This is blatantly ripped off from The Big Bang Theory, still one of the best written shows on television (in my humble opinion).

Explanation: The ninth-ranked University of Miami came to Blacksburg this weekend for a game against eleventh-ranked Virginia Tech in which Miami was somehow the overwhelming favorite. At the end of the day, the 'Canes walked out of Lane Stadium having been beaten down, 31-7. Now the Hokies, with only a loss to Alabama, are ranked #6. You can say that we are rivals with this school and that school, but few things feel better than beating Miami.

:D

It's An Old Software Engineer Mind Trick

I am not the software engineer you're looking for.

Explanation: You don't need to see my identification. I am not the software engineer you're looking for.

One Tooth, Two Teeth, Three Teeth...

We have a new tooth sighting!

Explanation: At four months, my daughter shocked us all by sprouting her two bottom teeth. At the first tooth sighting, we thought "So THAT'S why she hasn't been sleeping for the past week!" Well, after a few days of poor sleep, we spotted tooth #3! Looks like #4 isn't far behind, either. Oh, and I should mention how grateful I am this morning for infant Tylenol!

Morning Bacon

Why is it that there are no bacon-flavored breakfast cereals?

Explanation: I'm just wondering. It seems there's bacon-flavored this and bacon-flavored that. We have chocolate covered bacon and chicken fried bacon. Doesn't it just seem natural that somebody come out with Bacon O's breakfast cereal? How about Bacon Bacon Crunch? Frosted Mini Bacon? (I know, Bacon Bits would be the perfect name, but it's already taken.)

L-O-S-... Oh Wait, We Won!

Even though the offense barely did anything at all, a win is a win, not matter how small.

Source: This is from the Dr. Seuss classic, Tyrod Throws a Touchdown. OK, maybe it was about an elephant. My memory isn't so great on Monday mornings.

Explanation: Having been completely and totally beaten in Saturday's game against Nebraska, Virginia Tech somehow managed an 88-yard scoring drive in the last two minutes of play, thanks to a very mobile quarterback and a terribly blown coverage assignment by Nebraska's secondary. I was listening to the game online, compliments of Nebraska's radio team, and it pained me to hear how broken up they were over the small lapse that led to their loss. Of course, I'm over that now, as the #11 Hokies are 2-1 and host yet another ranked opponent next weekend as #9 Miami comes to town.

Where is Thumbkin?

Why is Thumbkin such a chicken?

Explanation: So, occasionally my wife sings the "Where is Thumbkin?" song for my daughter. As I haven't heard it in decades, I was naturally interested in how it goes. It turns out all of the fingers are wimps. Every time you find one, they just run away. What are we teaching our children about finger bravery? What are they to take from this? When the going gets tough, the ring finger gets running away? When push comes to shove, index finger runs away? When it's time to separate the men from the boys, middle finger... hehehe... middle finger. That always cracks me up.

Another Sign of the Apocalypse

dwi lol. tree rt 95 x4 lol. car TOTLD. ROTFL

Explanation: In yet another sign of the apocalypse, an Iowa call center has begun to accept text messages to 911. Can we start a petition now to get these text messages published into book form for our perusal?

Did I Just Get Blown Off?

"If you have any questions about your order, or if any order information is incorrect, please call (919) 555-5555 or email..."

Explanation: I recently ordered a laptop computer for my wife. I purchased it from a perfectly delightful computer company which my employer used to own, and got a very nice price on it as a result. I did not, however, receive a confirmation email when I made the purchase. Since I hadn't received one immediately, I had the foresight to record the information on my screen. I called customer service a day or two later (in another perfectly delightful country altogether) and they ensured me that I would receive my confirmation email in the next 24 hours... and I did. That email contained the line above, however, which really did not add to my confidence in their service.

While I know that 555- phone numbers do not exist, I do know that I can just go to the Raleigh area and start asking people for help until I find the right place. That's somewhat reassuring.

Special Blog Bonus: Today's special blog bonus is that you no longer have to hear about a movie from the people who brought you 300. Have a nice day.

Orange You Glad It's Monday?

Which came first, the fruit or the color?

Explanation: This weekend, I tried to get a jump on the next ten years of questions she'll be asking by telling my daughter all about the orange juice I was drinking. I was explaining how neat it is that orange juice is both juice that is orange and juice that is made from oranges. Then, perhaps from her inquisitive gaze (my explanation was riveting, I tell you) I was led to wonder something that I've never wondered before. Was the fruit named after the color, or was the color named after the fruit?

I had always assumed it was the former. An orange is called an orange because it's orange. After all, I'm sure the color has been around longer than the fruit. Plus, we call a fly a fly because it flies. There are lots of examples in English like this. But on this day, for some reason or another, I was thinking that language is funny sometimes and it might be the other way around. I looked it up, and sure enough, the color (as we know it) was named after the fruit. This absolutely blew my mind. I then had to look up the etymology of "fly" just to make sure that the critter was named after the act of flying, which it was. Thus, my world was righted again, but now I have a neat fact to share with you all. You're welcome.

Special Blog Bonus: A lesser known fact is that both the fruit and the color were named for the indigenous people of an ancient Roman city, known for their large heads, their large hats, and their complete lack of torsos:

Have You Heard?

VT vs. Alabama, Tomorrow at 8 on ABC!

Explanation: Hey, have I mentioned that the Virginia Tech football season starts tomorrow at 8? It does. Go Hokies!

S-P-E-L-L-I-N-G-1-0-1

H-O-K-I-E-S Hokies!!!

Explanation: Football season is here! #7 VT plays #5 Alabama on Saturday to kick off the college football season! Woo-hoo!

Fear not, Americans, for Saturday night, we dine IN GEORGIA!!!!

Football is Back!

So long baseball. Football is back!

Explanation: Are you sick of baseball highlights on Sportscenter? Me too! I can only watch so many different varieties of "shortstop throwing to first" on Top Plays before I long for something bigger. Something better. FOOTBALL!

And what better way to kick off the football season than VT vs. Alabama this Saturday? None that I can think of.