Unretired!

A public statement in response to all of the media inquiries: I have decided to remain unretired. Thank you.

Explanation: There have been numerous inquiries of late into my employment status. I've had John Clayton and Ed Werder camped out on my front lawn in the ESPN truck for three or four months now. Numerous retirement communities have expressed an interest, including Del Boca Vista Condominiums, the Oakland Raiders and the National League. I appreciate the interest, but after taking some time to evaluate my status, I have decided to remain unretired. I hope the indecision of the past months has not tarnished my image in anyway, and I thank you once again for your interest.