And The Baby Slept

Good news! My smoke detectors can detect a forgotten candle extinguishing itself at 2:00 in the morning!

Explanation: There's nothing quite like waking up to every smoke alarm in the house going off at 2:00 in the morning. I leaped from the bed and sprinted to the hall (sans glasses) to look for any hint of danger. None. Next I checked my daughter's room. No smoke in there, and surprisingly she was sleeping right through the screaming alarm. Impressive, considering all the tiptoeing we do around the house right around her bedtime.

Finally I threw on my glasses and checked downstairs, to find not much smoke, but a very suspicious candle that was pretty much out of wax. I blew it out and opened the window of that room, which caused the smoke alarms to return to normalcy in just a few seconds.

And then I laid awake in bed for an hour as the adrenaline wore off. Such fun.

*yawn*

Green Post

If we had any lights on, you'd know that I live in the greenest house on the block.

Explanation: Last night my wife and I were discussing the flamboyant Halloween decorations on our neighbors' houses. Personally, I find those displays that require a lot of electricity to be environmentally irresponsible.* Of course, then I turned to my own house, which was pitch black because one front light is broken and the porch light timer is still beyond my grasp. Luckily, thanks to modern marketing, we can call our house "green" and celebrate our darkness.

*I should also mention that I find the spotlit six foot inflatable pumpkin across the street to be tastefully irresponsible as well.

Not In the Face!

Spoon!

Source: From the Tick.

Explanation: I've probably used this status before, but I don't care. When you're heading out to smack the minions of evil in the nose with the rolled up newspaper of justice, you need a battle cry. SPOON!

Classical Conditioning

Have a chocolate!

Source: From this week's Big Bang Theory, Sheldon was conditioning Penny with chocolates. Thanks for reading my blog. Here's a chocolate.

I'm Batman

I'm Batman.

Explanation: I'm not Batman like a superhero. I'm Batman like the Michael Keaton Batman who couldn't turn his neck. I pulled something in bad sleeping quarters over the weekend. I wonder if there's any Bat-Muscle-Relaxant in my utility belt...

Cruel Words

I don't mind English, but some words are just cruel.

Explanation: I was playing WordTwist on Facebook the other day and the word "LISPER" came up. It seems to me the creators of that word were just cruel, cruel people. "Let's describe a condition using a word people with said condition cannot say!" Yes, while we're at it, let's make "tone deaf" only pronounceable through song! Ooh, and paraplegic can be only expressed through pantomime! What a bunch of jerks our ancestors were, huh?