The Twelve Days of Christmas: Day 4

Jeremy's Status Message Proudly Presents The Twelve Days of Christmas:

On the fourth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me, ten birds. TEN FREAKIN' BIRDS. Are you kidding me? Do you know what I bought her? A piano. $700 worth of finely tuned musical instrument, and all I get are 10 birds. Four of them won't get off the damn phone, three of them just keep surrendering to everyone they come in contact with, two are the slowest damn things I've ever seen, and the last one won't get out of that tree, which incidentally keeps dropping pears all over the yard. Not that you'd be able to find them under the thick layer of bird crap. Seriously? Birds? Come on! If you're gonna go the bird route, at least get me something I can eat. I could totally go for some chicken right about now - even one of those Frankenchickens that McDonald's uses to make the McNuggets! A turkey would be wonderful. Even a duck would be pretty cool. I couldn't eat a hawk or an eagle, but at least I could show it off to my friends. But noooo. I get the calling birds, the French hens, the turtle doves and the partridge in that stinkin' tree. You don't even want to know what they've done in our Christmas tree. What a crock... EEEW! The hens just open-beak kissed me!!! I'd better get some bling soon, or that piano is going back.

Explanation: I did get my wife a piano for Christmas. She did not actually get me any birds. I'm OK with that.