Volleyball Update

We won in four games and nobody got hurt.

Explanation: As you may recall, two weeks ago, I played a volleyball match very aggressively against a very nice team because two players on a completely different team had really ticked me off. Well, last night we played the team I don't particularly love. I am happy to report that we won the match in four games. I will also report, neither happily nor sadly, that nobody got hit in the face with a volleyball.

On the bright side, nobody on our team got hurt, which is important considering that three weeks ago we lost 3 players in one game due to injuries. For the record, my teammate who elbowed another teammate in the face was still able to play. Anyway, we're still tied for first in spite of our forfeit last week. The playoffs start soon!

Follow Up From Yesterday: I have derived a formula to answer yesterday's math question, but I would like to take some time to try to prove it before sharing. For those of you who were still hoping to play with this problem, you have an extension. Good luck!

"Jerk" Wasn't My Word of Choice

Universal Rule of Volleyball #12: If somebody fetches an errant ball for you and you do not say "Thank you," you are a jerk.

Explanation: For years and years, having seen hundreds of volleyball players and having shagged thousands of misplayed volleyballs, it has always, ALWAYS ticked me off when I go out of my way to help them and they don't thank me.

In my Thursday night volleyball league last night, two players on one particular team did just that. I have never liked the sportsmanship of their team to begin with, and they confirmed my suspicions by just taking the ball I tossed back to them and going back to what they were doing, completely ignoring me. Later in the night, they finished their match quicker than we did and were playing pick-up on the court next to our game. Again, on several occasions, their pick-up game interfered with our league game and again, on several occasions, they did not apologize in any way for it.

So, in our match last night, I played like a man possessed, hitting the ball like I did when I was 23, almost killing several innocent players on the team we were playing, all because I was angry at the team we play in two weeks. And for the next two weeks, I will be frothing at the mouth, ready to destroy those jerks when they're on the other side of the net.

It's Volleyball Season!

One volleyball match down, zero new injures. So far, so good.

Explanation: I played my first volleyball match of the season last night. This is not exactly a high-flying just-try-not-to-get-hit-in-the-face league I'm playing in. Nope, this is my lazy Thursday night league, where until this season, I've always been the youngest player on my team. This season that changed a bit, as one player's son is now on the team, which helps because I don't feel all that young right now. In my mind, my volleyball game still looks something like this, where my actual game looks a little more like this. At one point last night I went up in the air to play a ball and the ground came back about half a second faster than I expected it to. One might say this is due to deterioration of my vertical leap, but instead I like to think that gravity is already in midseason form while I'm just getting started. Yeah, that's the ticket.

Most importantly, I walked away from last night with out major injury. Major soreness? Yes. Major injury? No.

I'm 3 Games Less Young and Stupid Than I Used To Be

From the archives:

I played 17 games of volleyball this weekend, and all I got was this fabulous Rooftime 12 T-shirt.

Explanation: Today's status was actually from the summer a while back. As Steve might say, it's always a good time to plug Rooftime. So check out the Rooftime web site. Good volleyball. Good people. Good cause.

In reality, I did not play 17 games of volleyball this weekend. That was back when I was young and stupid. I only played 14 games today. See the improvement? We did win the tournament, so I did get a fabulous T-shirt. Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to hobble off to bed, where I shall stay until Monday.

The Hills Are Alive With the Sound of Whining

I am thirty-two going on thirty-three,
My back, it really kills.
My heel makes me gimpy, my shoulder is wimpy,
I need some more Advils!

Source: This is a rewrite of "Sixteen Going on Seventeen" from The Sound of Music. Special thanks to Mr. Rademacher, my middle school music teacher, for making us sing the songs from this musical over and over and over again.*

Explanation: I played volleyball last night and found out that I am one of only two people on my team who is under 50. Why do I not feel under 50? When did my body start breaking down like this? On the bright side, we won our match in five games (again) and remain undefeated at 2-0. I mention this because I fear it won't last.

*Note that this is the first time I have ever thanked Mr. Rademacher for anything in my entire life. It will probably be the last, too, so you'd better enjoy it.

My Heel Hurts

Years ago, upon receiving the prophecy of my death, my mother dipped me in the River Raritan, which protected my entire body from harm.

Explanation: As with the story of the great warrior Achilles, I, too, was dipped into a river as a baby. My mother apparently also held me by the heel. And today, after a mere four games of volleyball last night, my fatal flaw has been exposed and I can no longer go on. Just leave me here and go on to save yourselves. Tell my tale to others so they shall remember me. THIS IS SPARTA!!!

OK, maybe I'm getting my stories confused. The fact of the matter is that the back of my heel hurts a lot and I can't walk normally today. Since I work remotely, you're just going to have to trust me on this. THIS IS SPARTA!!! (Fine, that time I just said it because it was fun.)

*We kindly ask that you refrain from making comments about the cleanliness of the Raritan River. Thank you.

**For like six years I played indoor volleyball all the time against Hector's team, and do I think of the Trojan War at all? Noooooooo.

No Pain!

I must say, I feel surprisingly good, considering that I had volleyball last night.

Explanation: If you recall, last week I played volleyball for the first time in a long long time and came home feeling like this:


Today, I feel no pain whatsoever. Of course, part of that could be because after driving the half hour down to the facility, I discovered that there were no volleyball players there. Apparently, the open gym last Wednesday was a one-time only thing and not a weekly event. Maybe I should have asked, huh? I must say, few things are worse than driving an hour for absolutely no reason.

Of course, there was the time that I was on my cell phone and started a three hour drive by going twenty minutes in the wrong direction on the highway, turning it into a three hour and forty minute drive. That was worse. The lesson there is to not use your cell phone while driving.

Special Blog Bonus: Several pictures of a LEGO castle that is flat-out sick:

Pic 1, Pic 2, Pic 3, Pic 4, Pic 5

And, as added fun today: A Nintendo Quiz! I got 68% (17/25), which is a D- where I come from. How will you do?

When you're done with that, you should see this site, which features complete maps from several popular video games (past and present).

VOLLEYBALL!!!

Feelin' fine.

Source: For you Simpsons enthusiasts, you should immediately recognize this as what Homer typed in their knockoff of The Shining in Treehouse of Horror V. I posted a video clip of this way back when, but it is no longer available on YouTube, so if you missed it the first time, you're out of luck.

Explanation: I played competitive indoor volleyball last night at a level I have not seen in a very long time. More to the point, I played volleyball at a level my body has not seen in a very long time. So, after 252 posts, it's about time I created a "Volleyball" label.

My wife seems to remember me saying things like "If I keep playing volleyball, my shoulder is going to keep getting worse and someday I'm afraid I won't be able to lift my own children." She also remembers me saying things like "My shoulder is back to 100%. It's fine as long as I don't play volleyball."

So, it's important for me to note that I feel just fine today. Nothing hurts. Nope. My body is finely tuned for such athletic activity. My shoulder is not, I repeat, not dangling from a thread today. I could totally reach that thing over my head with my right arm, I just don't feel like it. Not today, anyway. And those were not ibuprofens you heard from the bathroom, I was just finishing off my Tic Tacs. Yep. These tears are tears of joy.

Special Blog Bonus: I probably feel better than Phil Dalhausser did after this: